Episode 83
Just Breathe: Lessons in Love, Loss, and Resilience from One Family's Journey
This podcast episode delves into the deeply personal story of Heather Hester's sister, Corinne, who was diagnosed with frontotemporal dementia at the age of 42. Heather reflects on their contrasting personalities and the complexities of their relationship, highlighting moments of joy, conflict, and support throughout the years. As Corinne's condition progressed, Heather faced the emotional struggle of balancing her family’s needs with the challenges of caring for her sister. The episode emphasizes the intertwined nature of growth, sadness, and joy, reminding listeners that they are not alone in their struggles. Ultimately, it conveys a powerful message about compassion, resilience, and the importance of being kind to oneself and others during difficult times.
Family is one of the most influential things in our lives, no matter what your feelings towards them are. Heather shares her personal story of her relationship with her sister, the loss of relationship during a time of crisis with Connor’s coming out, and coming to terms with the tragedy of an illness that stopped them from becoming close once again.
“Changes, growth, tragedy, celebration, sadness, and joy. They can all happen at once. Life doesn't happen in a vacuum.”
In a deeply personal episode, Heather Hester invites listeners into her journey of navigating the complexities of family life while raising a queer teenager, focusing on her relationship with her sister Corinne. As she recounts memories of her sister, the contrast between their personalities becomes evident. Corrine, the younger sibling, was a vibrant presence, known for her infectious laughter and adventurous spirit. Despite their differences, the bond they shared was strong, showcasing the beauty of sisterhood amidst varying life paths. However, the episode takes a somber turn as Heather reveals Corinne's struggle with frontotemporal dementia, sharing the emotional challenges it brought to their family.
Heather's narrative unfolds against the backdrop of her family's journey through Connor's coming out, which added layers of complexity to their family dynamics. As she reflects on the boundaries she had to set with Corinne during this time, listeners are offered a glimpse into the emotional turmoil of balancing support for her children while coping with her sister's unpredictable behavior. The episode poignantly illustrates how life can change in an instant, and how joy and sadness often coexist. Through her candid storytelling, Heather emphasizes the importance of compassion and understanding within family relationships, urging listeners to cherish their loved ones and navigate through adversity with grace.
The episode closes with a resonating message about resilience and the human experience. Heather reminds her audience that they are not alone in their struggles and encourages them to be kind to themselves and others. By sharing her sister's story, she fosters a sense of connection among listeners, highlighting the shared nature of grief and joy in life. This episode serves as a heartfelt exploration of love, loss, and the strength found in familial bonds, making it a powerful listening experience for anyone grappling with the challenges of life and relationships.
Takeaways:
- This podcast emphasizes the importance of community and support for families with LGBTQ children.
- Life is a mixture of joy, sadness, growth, and challenges that we all face.
- The host shares personal stories to illustrate the complexities of family dynamics.
- Boundaries are essential during times of personal crisis, as illustrated by the host's experience.
- Caregiving for loved ones can be emotionally and physically demanding, requiring immense strength.
- It's crucial to be kind to yourself and to others during difficult times.
Connect with Heather:
The Perfect Holiday Gift! Give a copy of Heather's new book, Parenting with Pride.
Get Your *free* Holiday Survival Guide
Access the course, Learning to Parent with Pride!
Work with Heather one-on-one or bring her into your organization to speak or run a workshop!
Please subscribe to, rate, and review Just Breathe. And, as always, please share with anyone who needs to know they are not alone!
Email: hh@chrysalismama.com
Transcript
Welcome to Just Breathe Parenting youg LGBTQ Team, the podcast transforming the conversation around loving and raising an LGBTQ child.
Heather Hester:My name is Heather Hester, and I am so grateful you are here.
Heather Hester:I want you to take a deep breath and know that for the time we are together, you are in the safety of the Just Breathe nest.
Heather Hester:Whether today's show is an amazing guest or me sharing stories, resources, strategies, or lessons I've learned along our journey, I want you to feel like we're just.
Speaker B:Hanging out at a coffee shop having a cozy chat.
Heather Hester:Most of all, I want you to remember that that wherever you are on this journey right now, in this moment in time, you are not alone.
Heather Hester:Welcome back, my friends.
Heather Hester:And welcome.
Speaker B:If you are listening for the first time, I am both happy and honored to be part of your day today.
Speaker B:I am circling all the way back to the beginning of our story almost six years ago to the day, and I'm going to share another layer of the chaos that I've been pretty quiet about up until now.
Speaker B:Changes, growth, tragedy, celebration, sadness, joy can all happen at once.
Speaker B:Life doesn't happen in a vacuum.
Speaker B:And that is why I want to share this part of our story with you.
Speaker B:Other than brief appearances here and there, I have rarely talked about any of our family members on Steve's side or on mine.
Speaker B:Other than the six of us.
Speaker B:Other than myself and Steve and Connor and Isabelle and Grace and Rowan.
Speaker B:And there are many, many reasons for that.
Speaker B:But today I am going to talk about my sister.
Speaker B:Corrine is five years younger than me, and we are different in almost every possible way.
Speaker B:Our looks, our temperament, our interests, our loves of people, places, and things.
Speaker B:As the oldest and the youngest in the family, we adhered pretty strictly to those roles.
Speaker B:Well into middle adulthood, Corinne lit up every room she walked into.
Speaker B:She loved to travel, she loved her work, and she loved her friends.
Speaker B:And even though our life paths were quite different, she loved me, Steve, and her little nieces and nephews.
Speaker B:She was my ally and I, hers and our family dynamics.
Speaker B:As the youngest, she saw the truth and reality of things way before I did.
Speaker B:Her coping mechanisms were to cut people off and keep people at a distance, keep moving forward, whereas mine were those of the peacemaker and creating mental narratives that allowed me to remain in the system.
Speaker B:She was not warm and fuzzy, and she used her sharp tongue and intelligence as a weapon when she felt wronged.
Speaker B:She was guarded and let very few people in, but oh my goodness, she.
Heather Hester:Had the best laugh.
Speaker B:She had a silly, quirky sense of humor, and she could Debate anyone for days.
Speaker B:She has stayed with me for weeks, sometimes months.
Speaker B:Throughout our adulthood, she spent holidays and birthdays and regular days hanging out with my growing little family.
Speaker B:She even insisted on being in the delivery room for Grace's birth, which in hindsight was probably not the best idea, given that it ended in an emergency C section.
Speaker B:We've had knockdown, drag out, screaming matches, as most sisters do, and we've had moments of silent acknowledgement of pain.
Speaker B: o Steve and me In February of: Speaker B:Her sharp tongue had been teetering the line of cruelty and days, weeks really, months preceding that.
Speaker B:And she'd become increasingly unpredictable in the way she would respond.
Speaker B:And so I had set a pretty strong boundary with her.
Speaker B:As you know from hearing our story, my focus, our focus became 150% on the ever changing and scary dynamics of Connors coming out, as well as the energy needed to support Isabel and Grace and Rowan.
Speaker B:I had nothing left for anyone else.
Speaker B:And something inside of me kept me from sharing any of this with Corinne.
Speaker B:When I finally shared what had been going on, her response was cold and quite confusing, actually.
Speaker B:And so the boundary became stronger.
Speaker B:We talked less and less, and even when we did, there were often long moments of silence.
Speaker B: rding school in the spring of: Speaker B:Strange behavior during a well check snowballed into Steve and me driving into the city to pick her up from her apartment.
Speaker B:That rivaled Hoarders, the TV show which then rolled into a hospital stay, a battery of tests and confirmation that was going on.
Speaker B:What was going on with her had nothing to do with substance use or abuse, but something far more concerning, something was going on with her brain.
Speaker B:I will never forget the look on her face that night that I brought her to my house.
Corinne:I could just see something was off as she answered every question I asked.
Speaker B:With a singular yes and with an.
Corinne:Expression that was mixed with relief and trust and fear.
Corinne:She knew that she was safe with me and in our home.
Corinne:Since Steve and I were preparing to bring Connor home, though, having her live with us was not an option.
Corinne:So my parents, our parents came up and moved her out of her apartment and took her back to Ohio with them.
Corinne:Ten months later, at the age of 42, my sister was diagnosed with FTD frontotemporal dementia.
Corinne:Over the past four years, we have watched as she has slowly lost her ability to speak and then to smile.
Corinne:Or make any facial expressions and now, completely unable to move or do anything on her own, the Corinne we all knew is gone.
Corinne:My mom has cared for her through it all and I have incredible compassion for the sadness, the anger, the grief that she feels on a daily basis as well as the physical strength Corinne's care requires.
Corinne:I miss my sister.
Corinne:Our relationship was a perfect example of and she was difficult and self involved and she was loyal and had a good heart and we were there for one another.
Corinne:I am sad that she has missed her nieces and nephews growing up.
Corinne:She would have been so proud of each one of them.
Corinne:I have carefully considered over time how I would share this little snippet of Corinne with you.
Corinne:It is very personal and extremely painful, but I decided to do so today because it is life.
Corinne:Like I said at the beginning, changes, growth, tragedy, celebration, sadness and joy.
Corinne:They can all happen at once, simultaneously, intertwined.
Corinne:Life doesn't happen in a vacuum if you have multiple crises or difficulties going on.
Corinne:I know it can feel so big, so incredibly overwhelming, so never ending.
Corinne:And I want you to remember when you are in those spaces that you are not alone.
Corinne:Remember that you are strong and brave and loving that you will make it through.
Corinne:Be kind to yourself.
Corinne:You are human and be kind to others and remember their humaneness as well.
Corinne:Thank you for being here today for listening to my short episode with a very big message.
Corinne:Remember, you can always find additional resources.
Heather Hester:On my website and please share Just Breathe with others until next time.
Heather Hester:Thanks so much for joining me today.
Heather Hester:If you enjoyed today's episode, I would be so grateful for a rating or a review.
Speaker B:Click on the link in the show.
Heather Hester:Notes or go to my website chrysalismama.com to stay up to date on my latest resources as well as to learn how you can work with me.
Heather Hester:Please share this podcast with anyone who needs to know that they are not alone and remember to just breathe.
Heather Hester:Until next time.
