Episode 108

Empowering Kids Against Bullying: A Conversation with Suzanne Jean

Picture your child standing tall, brimming with confidence and equipped with the tools to deftly handle bullying. That's the promise that my guest, Suzanne Jean, delivers on in our insightful conversation today. Suzanne, a passionate advocate for empowering young minds, takes us back to the 70s, painting a stark picture of how at-risk children were stigmatized and criminalized. She then walks us through the evolution of her innovative four-pillar program that cultivates self-confidence through self-defense, with a focus on awareness, attention, avoidance, and action. Suzanne's dedication to transforming young lives shines through as she stresses the significance of being mindful, engaging in open dialogues, and educating children about the intricate workings of their brains.

Diving into compelling narratives, Suzanne shares the transformative journey of her daughter's inner-city classroom. These stories serve as a testament to the potency of self-awareness and resilience. She speaks of the profound impact of positive affirmation and the effectiveness of her program through self-defense, mindfulness, play, and breath work. These tools are instrumental in boosting confidence and teaching kids to regulate their emotions, ultimately changing their behavior and their lives for the better.

We wrap up our conversation by emphasizing the urgent need to equip our children with the knowledge and the skills to navigate the complex world of emotions. The issue of bullying prevention and youth empowerment take center stage as we explore the connection between the brain, body, and spirit. Suzanne offers valuable insights on managing anxiety, fear, and other challenging emotions. She shares her vision to train youth as leaders, introducing them to the world of martial arts and sports. Tune in for a conversation that aims to enlighten, inspire, and empower.

About our Guest:

Suzanne Jean is the Director of Fit4Defense Consulting Ltd. operating a unique anti-bullying program called PowerED. This is a holistic life program that inspires confidence in participants to be heard, safe in the community and free from abuse through assertive communication, self defense and awareness exercises. Suzanne has over fifty years of experience in the design, implementation and accreditation of community-based programs in the social service field. She possesses lifelong experience as a martial artist with a black belt in karate and an advanced tai chi practitioner. Suzanne is a recently published author of "Bullying Stops Here-Steps to Safety, Strength, Confidence and Empowerment. 

https://www.fit4defense.ca/

Suzanne book - Bullying Stops Here - https://amzn.to/46Z4jl3

Connect with Heather:

The Perfect Holiday Gift! Give a copy of Heather's new book, Parenting with Pride.

Get Your *free* Holiday Survival Guide

Access the course, Learning to Parent with Pride!

Work with Heather one-on-one or bring her into your organization to speak or run a workshop!

Please subscribe to, rate, and review Just Breathe. And, as always, please share with anyone who needs to know they are not alone!

YouTube

TikTok

Email: hh@chrysalismama.com


Takeaways:

  • The podcast emphasizes the importance of self-awareness for children in addressing bullying.
  • Building confidence through self-defense can empower kids to handle bullying situations effectively.
  • Creating healthy, confident kids is essential to reduce bullying in schools and communities.
  • Open discussions about difficult topics like suicide and abuse are crucial for youth support.
  • The program includes mindfulness techniques to help children self-regulate their emotions better.
  • Suzanne Jean's curriculum promotes a community approach to tackle bullying at all levels.
Transcript
Heather Hester:

Welcome to Just Breathe Parenting, your LGBTQ team, the podcast transforming the conversation around loving and raising an LGBTQ child.

Heather Hester:

My name is Heather Hester, and I am so grateful you are here.

Heather Hester:

I want you to take a deep breath and know that for the time we are together, you are in the safety of the Just Breathe nest.

Heather Hester:

Whether today's show is an amazing guest or me sharing stories, resources, strategies, or lessons I've learned along our journey, I want you to feel like we're just hanging out at a coffee shop, having a cozy chat.

Heather Hester:

Most of all, I want you to remember that wherever you are on this journey right now, in this moment in time, you are not alone.

Speaker B:

Welcome to Just Breathe, everyone.

Speaker B:

So happy you are here, and I'm really, really excited to just jump right in with our guest for today.

Speaker B:

Suzanne Jean is here to talk about really, really important topic that we all can relate to, that our kids can relate to.

Speaker B:

And I'm just really excited to learn about what she teaches, what she's learned in her research and her studies.

Speaker B:

And so we're just going to jump right in and welcome so much to the show.

Speaker B:

I'm so really thrilled that you're here and excited to hear your stories.

Suzanne Jean:

Wow.

Suzanne Jean:

Thank you, Heather.

Suzanne Jean:

I'm really happy to be here, and I have, I feel, a very important message to get out around bullying and violence in our communities.

Suzanne Jean:

I started this work many, many years ago.

Suzanne Jean:

So my path was in social services, working with really at risk kids.

Suzanne Jean:

And concurrently with that, I studied martial arts.

Suzanne Jean:

And I began to see the synergy between working, building confidence through self defense.

Suzanne Jean:

And it started working with very at risk kids and realizing that we were criminalizing them, we were putting them in jail because we couldn't deal with their trauma and their behaviors that came with that trauma.

Suzanne Jean:

And at that time, I'm going back to the early 70s, there was not a lot of understanding about what trauma was.

Suzanne Jean:

So we packed them into, you know, the jails and those systems, and it doesn't take very long for kids to really start to fall apart.

Suzanne Jean:

Also, it was a time when there was a lot of street youth, kids living on the street.

Suzanne Jean:

And I did a study at that time and realized within 24 hours, a kid would be involved in some type of criminal activity if they were on the street, whether it was just stealing food or, you know, selling drugs or whatever, and that we really needed to step up and intervene with these kids.

Suzanne Jean:

So that's where the work began.

Suzanne Jean:

And I began to teach women self defense and understand that absolutely we could, we could build Self confidence through this process.

Suzanne Jean:

And so the actual program evolved over many years, but it has four pillars and those are attention, awareness, avoidance and action.

Suzanne Jean:

So though the program is, I use it as a hook to get the self defense happening and get people interested.

Suzanne Jean:

The real heart and soul of it is around self awareness exercises.

Suzanne Jean:

So I start with attention and it's about like tuning into the here and now, which is very timely in terms of the interest in meditation and mindfulness.

Suzanne Jean:

But if you think about it, kids nowadays, they're so hooked into the phones and computers and social media and the gaming and they are losing those skills to actually connect one to one with each other.

Suzanne Jean:

And it's.

Suzanne Jean:

So when I do discussions in the groups, they think it's like rocket science.

Suzanne Jean:

They go, wow, that was really cool.

Suzanne Jean:

Can we do that again?

Suzanne Jean:

And I say, yeah, in the olden days we called it having a good discussion, right?

Suzanne Jean:

We had a conversation.

Suzanne Jean:

We can do lots more talking about these things.

Suzanne Jean:

But if you think about it, if they're all in their own little silos, they're not really getting that experience that they get from, from that kind of attention.

Suzanne Jean:

As and as we know where our attention goes, our energy flows, right?

Suzanne Jean:

Yep.

Suzanne Jean:

So if it's going in the tube, if it's going into social media, it's really depleting.

Suzanne Jean:

The next area is awareness and this is the heart and soul.

Suzanne Jean:

It's really just helping kids discover what they really truly believe, what they need, what they want, and then helping them get some skills to communicate that.

Suzanne Jean:

And with bullying, it's about setting those boundaries.

Suzanne Jean:

But to set the boundary, you have to know what the boundary is, right?

Suzanne Jean:

You have to, you, you know, you need that self examination to be able to understand that.

Suzanne Jean:

So I do a whole bunch of exercises around figuring those things out.

Suzanne Jean:

Like, so talking about boundaries, talking about values, like what's important to me and what isn't important to me, and then being able to communicate that in a way that is, you know, enriching is very, very, very important.

Suzanne Jean:

And getting them to love themselves and open their hearts because there's so much of that sense of unworthiness.

Suzanne Jean:

And when you have bullying, I mean, it's a constant degradation of self.

Suzanne Jean:

Right.

Suzanne Jean:

Because it's about differences.

Suzanne Jean:

You're not good enough or you're not the way you should be in the world.

Suzanne Jean:

So when you take them to a place where they really begin to see themselves in a different light, they can start to really love themselves.

Suzanne Jean:

And I do a lot of providing information around the brain and how the brain works.

Suzanne Jean:

And how we, our thoughts affect our feelings and we go into those areas.

Suzanne Jean:

But I have to say, this program is fun.

Suzanne Jean:

Like when I'm talking about how do you get kids to do that?

Suzanne Jean:

Right?

Suzanne Jean:

It's really fun.

Suzanne Jean:

Like I have all of these different ways and then I'm always debriefing through the physical.

Suzanne Jean:

We're always moving, doing the self defense, okay.

Suzanne Jean:

Doing the breathing exercises, doing the movement.

Suzanne Jean:

And that way, you know, when, if I have to move something in a transition, I have all these different ways to do that.

Speaker B:

That is so cool.

Suzanne Jean:

Then we go to avoidance.

Suzanne Jean:

How do you stay safe?

Suzanne Jean:

How do you, you know, what steps do you take?

Suzanne Jean:

And I don't just deal again in the physical realm.

Suzanne Jean:

I start in a physical realm and then I talk about the emotional.

Suzanne Jean:

How do we hold ourselves back?

Suzanne Jean:

Right?

Suzanne Jean:

But then how do we really clearly enable ourselves to stay safe?

Suzanne Jean:

So then there's the action.

Suzanne Jean:

So it's the last resort is if in the event that you had to defend yourself, I teach them the skills to do that so that they can, I teach them defense position, I teach blocking, so in an event that they were bullied, they could actually defend themselves.

Suzanne Jean:

But the avoidance moving into action.

Suzanne Jean:

The action part to me too is it's all about making good choices and decisions.

Speaker B:

Oh, yeah.

Suzanne Jean:

But again, you need that reflection to say, huh?

Suzanne Jean:

You know, what is, what is a good choice.

Suzanne Jean:

And the, the more at risk, the kids that I work with, the more difficult it is for them to understand risk.

Suzanne Jean:

They don't.

Suzanne Jean:

They don't understand risk.

Suzanne Jean:

So we really kind of talk about that.

Suzanne Jean:

I mean, an example, I was in a, I had a group of girls and we were sitting there and we were talking about this area, you know, of risk.

Suzanne Jean:

And one girl looked at them and said, oh my goodness, I think I'm at risk.

Suzanne Jean:

I sleep in the backseat of my mom's car while she's turning tricks.

Suzanne Jean:

I just.

Suzanne Jean:

And you know, I've been doing this a long time, but my jaw dropped.

Suzanne Jean:

I didn't know what to say.

Suzanne Jean:

I didn't know what to say.

Suzanne Jean:

And the, but the girls picked it up.

Suzanne Jean:

They said, that's not okay.

Suzanne Jean:

You are at risk, you know, and maybe Suzanne can find help.

Suzanne Jean:

You find a house.

Suzanne Jean:

A house.

Suzanne Jean:

I sat there with my jaw dropped.

Suzanne Jean:

Right.

Speaker B:

I am sure.

Speaker B:

I mean.

Suzanne Jean:

I mean, that's just right out of the realm.

Speaker B:

Oh my goodness.

Suzanne Jean:

So I started working with really at risk kids with a lot of people who suffer trauma, mental health.

Suzanne Jean:

Because I have worked in social services, community based social services for 50 years.

Suzanne Jean:

But as I progressed in building the curriculum.

Suzanne Jean:

This is all written curriculum.

Suzanne Jean:

I have it for children, I have it for youth, I have it for seniors.

Suzanne Jean:

But as I began to develop it, you know, mainstream, like schools said, we have a problem here with bullying.

Suzanne Jean:

We need this program in the schools.

Speaker B:

Yes.

Suzanne Jean:

So I started to teach more mainstream groups.

Suzanne Jean:

And, yeah, it's been a great journey.

Speaker B:

That is really extraordinary.

Speaker B:

So in here you talk about how this program can be used for both one who is being bullied as well.

Heather Hester:

As for one who bullies.

Suzanne Jean:

Correct.

Speaker B:

Can you talk about that a little bit?

Suzanne Jean:

Well, it's called Power Ed, because bullying is about control and power.

Suzanne Jean:

Any way you cut it.

Speaker B:

Yeah.

Suzanne Jean:

And the way to avoid bullying is to create healthy, confident kids.

Suzanne Jean:

One of the first exercises I do is I divide the group into three and I have three questions.

Suzanne Jean:

What is bullying?

Suzanne Jean:

Why do people bully?

Suzanne Jean:

And what can you do about it?

Suzanne Jean:

And they have all three groups write out the answers to this on these big sheets of paper and then they pass the sheets.

Suzanne Jean:

So what happens if you understand that one in four kids is being bullied in the classroom when they present back the information to the larger group?

Suzanne Jean:

The kids that bully for the first time in their lives see how other people perceive them as weak, as having problems of needing help, you know, of not feeling.

Suzanne Jean:

Feeling good about themselves.

Speaker B:

Right.

Suzanne Jean:

So it's a it.

Suzanne Jean:

I, as an instructor, can see the little bulbs go off.

Suzanne Jean:

I can see it in their faces.

Suzanne Jean:

I can pick them out.

Suzanne Jean:

But nobody knows.

Suzanne Jean:

Like, it's an anonymous process.

Speaker B:

Right.

Suzanne Jean:

But it's the beginning of self awareness for them.

Speaker B:

Sure.

Suzanne Jean:

And in my book, I have this.

Suzanne Jean:

In my book, I have this story.

Suzanne Jean:

My daughter's an instructor.

Suzanne Jean:

And I went, and she had a tough class in the inner city.

Suzanne Jean:

And she said, mom, come and teach it with me.

Suzanne Jean:

So I went.

Suzanne Jean:

And there was this kid that was.

Suzanne Jean:

He was singled out as the big problem.

Suzanne Jean:

And it was a problem, you know, but we were doing the exercise, and this exercise is in the first class.

Suzanne Jean:

And I was in his group because I wanted to manage him.

Suzanne Jean:

And his friends said to him, johnny, you know you're a bully, don't you?

Suzanne Jean:

And he looked at him and I thought, here we go.

Suzanne Jean:

He's going to escalate.

Suzanne Jean:

He's going to get angry.

Suzanne Jean:

I'm going to have a scene.

Suzanne Jean:

And he looked at him and he said, but I don't want to be.

Suzanne Jean:

My heart just went, oh, again, self awareness, that mirror understanding.

Speaker B:

Right?

Suzanne Jean:

That.

Speaker B:

Right.

Suzanne Jean:

And that kid did a 360.

Suzanne Jean:

Like, I've never seen a child change so quickly.

Speaker B:

Sure.

Suzanne Jean:

And one of the amazing things is I followed up and it's that behavior sustained.

Suzanne Jean:

He decided at that moment.

Suzanne Jean:

And he.

Suzanne Jean:

The nice thing was he was really good at the techniques and he was really proud of himself.

Suzanne Jean:

Right.

Suzanne Jean:

And I always do demos and it's like demo, demo.

Suzanne Jean:

And he would do his demo and other kids would say, you're really good at that.

Suzanne Jean:

And probably the first time in his life that he had.

Suzanne Jean:

Had gotten positive, you know, feedback.

Suzanne Jean:

Absolutely.

Suzanne Jean:

They're saying that.

Suzanne Jean:

And that is like a little seed that just blossoms so quickly.

Suzanne Jean:

Yeah, I am good at something.

Suzanne Jean:

I'm worth something.

Suzanne Jean:

I'm important.

Suzanne Jean:

These are the messages that I am working at getting out there.

Suzanne Jean:

And yeah, and bullying hurts, right?

Suzanne Jean:

And bullying hurts.

Suzanne Jean:

And when I.

Suzanne Jean:

Because I deal with physical.

Suzanne Jean:

They can kind of feel that pain sometimes, you know, pinch.

Suzanne Jean:

It hurts.

Speaker B:

Right.

Suzanne Jean:

So when you.

Suzanne Jean:

And the passive aggressive bullying that.

Suzanne Jean:

That's happening on the Internet is so gutless because the kids don't take responsibility for it, but they hurt.

Suzanne Jean:

So they need to understand it's not okay.

Suzanne Jean:

It's not okay to hurt people.

Speaker B:

No, it's not.

Suzanne Jean:

For their differences.

Suzanne Jean:

And I know.

Suzanne Jean:

You know, right?

Suzanne Jean:

Yeah.

Suzanne Jean:

That's a little story from the book.

Suzanne Jean:

So the book is about transformational stories.

Suzanne Jean:

Like, I tell stories where people really grow and learn through this process, this program.

Suzanne Jean:

And yeah, I'd love to.

Speaker B:

Would you share one of the stories?

Suzanne Jean:

Well, the first story is pretty interesting because it's a.

Suzanne Jean:

It.

Suzanne Jean:

I was teaching women self defense and I got a call and this woman said, you Suzanne?

Suzanne Jean:

And I said, yeah.

Suzanne Jean:

She says, oh, the word on the street is you're okay.

Suzanne Jean:

And I said, oh, well, who are you?

Suzanne Jean:

And she said, well, my name's Rhonda.

Suzanne Jean:

She said, I'm a sex trade worker.

Suzanne Jean:

She said, we're having trouble.

Suzanne Jean:

Like, there's a serial killer and he's.

Speaker B:

He's.

Suzanne Jean:

He's killed some of my friends with piano wire.

Suzanne Jean:

And we need self defense.

Suzanne Jean:

And we heard that you do that.

Suzanne Jean:

So I said, well, I'm not sure I can help you, but I'd be willing to talk about it.

Suzanne Jean:

And she said, I'll set up a meeting.

Suzanne Jean:

2am at Fresco's on Davy street in Vancouver.

Suzanne Jean:

The meeting was at 2 in the morning.

Suzanne Jean:

So I thought, what have I gotten into?

Suzanne Jean:

So I tell this story, I end up showing up.

Suzanne Jean:

And she had reserved the back of the restaurant, and 50 women came.

Speaker B:

Oh, my goodness.

Suzanne Jean:

And we had a meeting and we talked about what self defense is about my conditions.

Suzanne Jean:

And I was right.

Suzanne Jean:

I didn't Know what I was doing?

Suzanne Jean:

You gotta understand.

Suzanne Jean:

I mean, this was unbelievable.

Suzanne Jean:

But I was willing to give it a go.

Speaker B:

Of course.

Suzanne Jean:

But the conditions where they showed up, they weren't wasted on drugs or alcohol.

Suzanne Jean:

But the big one was that they gave 100%.

Suzanne Jean:

They gave me 100% of what they could do.

Suzanne Jean:

And I worked with, I worked with this.

Suzanne Jean:

Guess when that class was 7am when they got off work.

Suzanne Jean:

Because Rhonda said if they went home, they'd all be getting up at different times and it wouldn't work.

Speaker B:

Right.

Suzanne Jean:

So they came at 7 in the morning.

Suzanne Jean:

And I saw what resilience is about.

Suzanne Jean:

I, I saw what community is about.

Suzanne Jean:

How they began, they began to look after each other, say no to getting in cars when they knew that it was dangerous.

Suzanne Jean:

Watching each other's backs, understanding their defense.

Suzanne Jean:

I mean, and in the background, I worked with my martial arts friends to, to hone techniques that, that would be helpful to them.

Suzanne Jean:

How do you do self defense?

Suzanne Jean:

In stilettos?

Speaker B:

I would imagine the stiletto could be used.

Suzanne Jean:

It's like a stabbing.

Suzanne Jean:

But anyway, this, this was amazing experience.

Suzanne Jean:

But I saw how they looked after each other, the sense of community and how, you know, we marginalize people so easily.

Suzanne Jean:

We put them in those little boxes.

Suzanne Jean:

But I'm telling you, those women taught me more.

Speaker B:

Well, they're human beings.

Speaker B:

Right.

Speaker B:

I mean, they're human beings just like everyone else.

Speaker B:

And I love that.

Suzanne Jean:

Yeah.

Speaker B:

And I, I love.

Speaker B:

Thank you for sharing that story because I think that it's really important to humanize people.

Suzanne Jean:

Absolutely.

Speaker B:

And I mean, that is definitely a piece of bullying.

Speaker B:

Right.

Speaker B:

That it dehumanizes.

Suzanne Jean:

Yeah.

Speaker B:

And.

Suzanne Jean:

But they develop the confidence in themselves that they could take care of themselves.

Speaker B:

Right, right, right.

Speaker B:

So these four pillars really transcend.

Speaker B:

I mean, this works for anyone, anywhere.

Suzanne Jean:

At any time, are interrelated and as I said.

Suzanne Jean:

But the actual curriculum is.

Suzanne Jean:

There's a, It's a lot of fun.

Suzanne Jean:

I build in so much play.

Suzanne Jean:

And I have been adding a lot more mindfulness and the kids love it.

Suzanne Jean:

Like with my group today, I'll, I'll do a lot of mindfulness with them because they need, they, they need the tools to self regulate.

Suzanne Jean:

The fastest way to self regulate is through breath.

Suzanne Jean:

Right.

Suzanne Jean:

And if we can.

Suzanne Jean:

And that's your program, just breathe.

Suzanne Jean:

That's right.

Suzanne Jean:

And it's the exhalation.

Suzanne Jean:

And so I'm doing a lot more of that with them and building that into the curriculum in different places.

Speaker B:

That's fantastic.

Speaker B:

That's fantastic.

Speaker B:

Well, I imagine too, with any of, you know, Any of the people that you work with, I guess.

Speaker B:

Let me pose this as a question.

Speaker B:

Which of your four pillars is the most surprising to people that you work with?

Speaker B:

Where you get the most like, you know, light bulb moments or ahas, or connection?

Suzanne Jean:

Self awareness.

Suzanne Jean:

Yeah, self awareness.

Suzanne Jean:

Absolutely.

Suzanne Jean:

The self awareness.

Suzanne Jean:

And, you know, through the self defense, they can deal with fear, though, in a really gut way.

Suzanne Jean:

They have focus pads.

Suzanne Jean:

They can hit a focus pad.

Suzanne Jean:

They can feel physical strength.

Suzanne Jean:

They can dissipate fear.

Speaker B:

Right.

Suzanne Jean:

They can dissipate anger and those, Those.

Suzanne Jean:

Those scary emotions.

Suzanne Jean:

So that's also really, really helpful and working in, working with the.

Suzanne Jean:

The stories in my book are very extreme trauma.

Suzanne Jean:

And I use a lot of that technique of just being able to smack something, smack something hard, you know?

Suzanne Jean:

Right.

Suzanne Jean:

And just have that ex.

Suzanne Jean:

That feeling of strength and power.

Speaker B:

Right.

Speaker B:

And release, I imagine, as well.

Suzanne Jean:

Absolutely.

Suzanne Jean:

And guess what happens when you smack something?

Suzanne Jean:

You exhale.

Speaker B:

Yes, you do.

Suzanne Jean:

And then guess what happens then you have to take a full breath in.

Speaker B:

Yeah.

Suzanne Jean:

Then you feed all that.

Suzanne Jean:

All those systems.

Suzanne Jean:

So, yeah, that is.

Suzanne Jean:

I loved it when I saw the name of your podcast.

Suzanne Jean:

I loved it.

Suzanne Jean:

I loved it.

Speaker B:

Well, thank you.

Speaker B:

We are very simpatico.

Speaker B:

And it is definitely the, you know, the breath is a huge thing that really helped me early on because it helped me reconnect.

Speaker B:

It helped me, you know, get.

Suzanne Jean:

Well, it kicks you into a whole different nervous system.

Suzanne Jean:

You know, you're in a different place completely.

Suzanne Jean:

You're out of all, you know, fight or flight.

Speaker B:

Right.

Suzanne Jean:

And this is something else to teach kids.

Suzanne Jean:

They need to learn about the brain.

Speaker B:

Right.

Suzanne Jean:

What's going on in our brain and the connection to our body and our spirit.

Speaker B:

That is so.

Speaker B:

And how everything really is connected.

Speaker B:

Right.

Speaker B:

And how they can care for it.

Speaker B:

I think that so many of these pieces are left out of education for our adolescents or for children and adolescents even, that everything for them seems so like, this is over here and that's over here.

Speaker B:

Nothing is.

Speaker B:

They don't see the connection.

Speaker B:

So I really love that you're teaching how everything is interconnected and how to be aware and.

Speaker B:

And how.

Speaker B:

I mean, this is really just such a wonderful lesson.

Speaker B:

And not only self awareness, but empowerment.

Suzanne Jean:

Well, and you can be in control of yourself.

Suzanne Jean:

And it's such a scary thing not, you know, to experience anxiety and all of those heart.

Suzanne Jean:

Heart emotions like anger and anxiety and not be in control and just to be able to be in control of yourself and like, face those fears.

Suzanne Jean:

It's just such a positive thing.

Suzanne Jean:

A lot of conversations in the school like they, they're not happening and they're the ones that need to be happening.

Suzanne Jean:

And I, and I've taken them on.

Suzanne Jean:

We talk about suicide.

Suzanne Jean:

Good.

Suzanne Jean:

We talk about self harm.

Suzanne Jean:

We talk about sexual abuse.

Suzanne Jean:

They won't talk about sexual abuse.

Suzanne Jean:

No.

Speaker B:

I know.

Suzanne Jean:

Right.

Suzanne Jean:

So those tough subjects.

Suzanne Jean:

And again, I, I'm doing it in a really careful way and I'm able to always debrief and always move things through physically so they're not, it's not left hanging.

Speaker B:

Right.

Speaker B:

Or stuck.

Suzanne Jean:

Yeah.

Suzanne Jean:

And I also connect.

Suzanne Jean:

When I'm doing a program anywhere, I connect to resources.

Suzanne Jean:

If I have to refer kids, I often get, you know, a kid coming up after and saying, oh, my friend has a drinking problem and can you, you know, or my friend.

Suzanne Jean:

This is happening to my friend.

Suzanne Jean:

And I always know it's them.

Speaker B:

Right, right.

Speaker B:

Yeah.

Suzanne Jean:

Yeah.

Speaker B:

Oh, my goodness.

Suzanne Jean:

I just realized, you know, I just realized I need help with this.

Suzanne Jean:

You know, my boyfriend is, is hurting me.

Suzanne Jean:

Right, right.

Suzanne Jean:

I mean, these things, they, they come forth with that and, and I'm not offerings to all people.

Suzanne Jean:

So I, I connect with resources.

Suzanne Jean:

Like, I'll connect with the counselor.

Suzanne Jean:

Sure.

Suzanne Jean:

I have.

Suzanne Jean:

And I have.

Suzanne Jean:

My instructors do that in any area.

Suzanne Jean:

The other place that they do a resource list is sports, martial arts.

Suzanne Jean:

Because often once kids start to move again, they say, oh, I used to do this.

Suzanne Jean:

I feel good.

Suzanne Jean:

You know, I'd like to dance again.

Suzanne Jean:

I would like to.

Suzanne Jean:

I'd like to study martial arts.

Speaker B:

Right.

Suzanne Jean:

So it's really great to have those resources and be able to refer them.

Speaker B:

Absolutely.

Suzanne Jean:

When it's happening.

Speaker B:

Absolutely.

Suzanne Jean:

And I, I wanted to, I was trying to get a grant.

Suzanne Jean:

I'd like to develop a youth navigator program to train kids as leaders, to take kids, to introduce kids to those things.

Speaker B:

Oh, nice.

Suzanne Jean:

Because it, you know, walking through those doors is really hard.

Suzanne Jean:

But if you have a kid that can be a peer navigator and go to a martial arts class with a kid or go to a sports thing, it would be great.

Suzanne Jean:

So that's something I'm working on.

Suzanne Jean:

But the last thing I want to talk about is, you know, the book is Bullying Stops Here.

Suzanne Jean:

And I think that as communities, we need to get programs in our schools and community centers.

Suzanne Jean:

Yeah.

Suzanne Jean:

So the last chapter talks about that.

Suzanne Jean:

And it is not difficult.

Suzanne Jean:

It just takes coordination.

Suzanne Jean:

And my company is called Fit for Defense.

Suzanne Jean:

And I'm really happy to work with groups to figure out how they can get a program going in their organization and help them through the steps.

Suzanne Jean:

So there's basically the steps are laid out in the last chapter and how to do it.

Suzanne Jean:

But it has to be everyone.

Speaker B:

Yeah.

Suzanne Jean:

It can't just, you know, you can't just have the teachers and not the parents.

Speaker B:

Right.

Suzanne Jean:

You need the whole community.

Suzanne Jean:

This is also happening in offices.

Suzanne Jean:

Right.

Suzanne Jean:

Like workplaces.

Suzanne Jean:

Bullying is huge because little bullies grow up to be big bullies.

Speaker B:

Exactly.

Suzanne Jean:

Right.

Speaker B:

I was just gonna say, you know, it transcends age, so.

Speaker B:

Yes.

Suzanne Jean:

Yeah.

Suzanne Jean:

So my message is that we begin to get that message out everywhere that it's not okay.

Suzanne Jean:

It's just not acceptable.

Suzanne Jean:

And we have gangs murdering each other, Incidences daily.

Suzanne Jean:

And as you know, in your area, just so much discrimination and hurt.

Suzanne Jean:

Right?

Suzanne Jean:

Yes.

Suzanne Jean:

That's not okay.

Suzanne Jean:

It's not okay.

Suzanne Jean:

That's what I'm working on.

Speaker B:

I love that.

Speaker B:

So do you have.

Speaker B:

Do you work virtually with people or do you only can.

Suzanne Jean:

Yeah, I can work virtually.

Speaker B:

Okay.

Speaker B:

Okay.

Speaker B:

You had mentioned that you're.

Speaker B:

I have.

Suzanne Jean:

I have a train.

Suzanne Jean:

The trainer program.

Suzanne Jean:

So I trained instructors in different areas.

Speaker B:

Okay, that's what I was gonna ask.

Suzanne Jean:

So I do have instructors in other places that are very, very good and can go in and work with communities as well to do that kind of work or get a class going.

Speaker B:

Wonderful.

Speaker B:

That's great.

Suzanne Jean:

And we have classes.

Suzanne Jean:

We work with, you know, we work with sports groups, we work in community centers, we work in jails, we work in alternate schools, we work in mainstream schools.

Speaker B:

It's incredible.

Speaker B:

Incredible mission.

Suzanne Jean:

And the curriculum is.

Suzanne Jean:

Well, the full youth curriculum is 10 weeks, but it can be delivered in a lot of different ways.

Suzanne Jean:

Because if it's in a PE class, it might be twice a week, you know, splitting the classes.

Speaker B:

Right.

Suzanne Jean:

Yeah.

Suzanne Jean:

So it's very flexible.

Speaker B:

That is fantastic.

Speaker B:

Really great.

Speaker B:

Oh, my goodness.

Speaker B:

Well, I am so thrilled.

Speaker B:

So tell everyone the name of your books here and can they get it on?

Suzanne Jean:

And they can.

Suzanne Jean:

They can get the book on Amazon.

Speaker B:

Wonderful.

Speaker B:

Well, I will have links in the show notes so it that, you know, obviously you can.

Speaker B:

You can jump on right now, everybody and jump onto Amazon and grab it.

Speaker B:

Otherwise there will be a link.

Suzanne Jean:

Start your anti bullying program.

Speaker B:

That's right.

Speaker B:

Exactly.

Speaker B:

Well, all of the information is in there as well, but I will also give some links to you so people can reach out directly if they would like.

Speaker B:

If they're like, I don't need to read the book.

Speaker B:

I just want to do this.

Speaker B:

They can reach out to you right away.

Speaker B:

So I am just so grateful that you came onto the show and that we were connected by a very dear mutual acquaintance and that this is just such important work that you're doing.

Speaker B:

And I know, I am grateful, Heather.

Suzanne Jean:

Your work is important, too.

Speaker B:

Oh, well, thank you.

Suzanne Jean:

And just providing that support for families and.

Suzanne Jean:

And kids is really great.

Speaker B:

Thank you.

Speaker B:

Well, we definitely, like you said earlier, we are simpatico and we're simpatico.

Speaker B:

Right.

Suzanne Jean:

So we're just going to breathe.

Speaker B:

That's right.

Speaker B:

Exactly.

Speaker B:

I mean, you know, if nothing else, we have that.

Speaker B:

That's always with us.

Speaker B:

Right?

Speaker B:

We always have the breath.

Speaker B:

So, anyway, thank you.

Speaker B:

Thank you so much for being here today.

Suzanne Jean:

Okay, bye.

Heather Hester:

Heather, thanks so much for joining me today.

Heather Hester:

If you enjoyed today's episode, I would be so grateful.

Heather Hester:

For a rating or a review, click on the link in the show notes or go to my website, chrysalismama.com to stay up to date on my latest resources, as well as to learn how you can work with me.

Heather Hester:

Please share this podcast with anyone who needs to know that they are not alone.

Heather Hester:

And remember to just breathe until next time.

About the Podcast

Show artwork for Just Breathe: Parenting Your LGBTQ Teen
Just Breathe: Parenting Your LGBTQ Teen
With Host Heather Hester

About your host

Profile picture for Heather Hester

Heather Hester

Heather Hester is the founder of Chrysalis Mama which provides support and education to parents and allies of LGBTQIA adolescents, teenagers, and young adults. She is also the creator/host of the Top 1% podcast Just Breathe: Parenting your LGBTQ Teen. As an advocate and coach, she believes the coming out process is equal parts beautiful and messy. She works with her clients to let go of fear and feelings of isolation so that they can reconnect with themselves and their children with awareness and compassion. Heather also works within organizations via specialized programming to bring education and empowerment with a human touch. She is delighted to announce that her first book is out in the world as of May 2024 - Parenting with Pride: Unlearn Bias and Embrace, Empower, and Love Your LGBTQ+ Teen. Married to the funniest guy she’s ever known and the mother of four extraordinary kids (two of whom are LGBTQ) and one sassy mini bernedoodle, Heather believes in being authentic and embracing the messiness. You can almost always find her with a cup coffee nearby whether she’s at her computer, on her yoga mat, or listening to her favorite music.