Episode 107
Healing Through Breath: Navigating Parenthood with Jen Murray
What if you could harness the power of breath to live a more present, intentional, and authentic life? Join me as I engage in a transformative conversation with Jennifer (Jen) Murray, the founder of the High Vibe Healing Collective, who uses breath work and other techniques to cultivate a heart-aligned life and inspire others to do the same.
Get a glimpse into Jen's unique parenting journey, where they weave in somatic practices and astrology to remain genuine and heart-centered during the tumultuous pandemic times. We dissect the role of breath work in breaking old parenting habits, importance of language in shaping our children's lives, and how embracing our humanness can lead to a more enriched parent-child relationship. Jen's personal stories about how their children have served as life's greatest reminders are likely to strike a chord with many of you.
In our exploration of the collective illness of unworthiness and conformity, we delve into how breaking socialization patterns can lead to a more inclusive and loving space for our loved ones. Hear Jen's insights on how breath work and astrology can help us combat this sense of lack and worthiness and guide us towards a more integrated life.
About our Guest:
Jennifer (Jen) Murray (they/them) is the Founder of the High Vibe Healing Collective, using their lived experiences as a white-bodied, queer, loving mama, to breathe new ways of being and belonging. They emphasize inclusivity and conscious co-creation of embodied wellness, uplifting LGBTQ+ communities and inspiring heart-aligned leadership for a more justice-oriented world. Jen sparks joy-filled, loving, cosmically divine communities with a passion for social justice and accountability.
https://highvibehealingcollective.com/
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Email: hh@chrysalismama.com
Takeaways:
- Breathing is a powerful tool that connects our mind and body, helping us stay present.
- Parenting requires embracing the messiness of human experience and allowing for mistakes.
- Inclusivity in parenting means recognizing and honoring each child's unique identity and needs.
- Awareness of breath can reveal our emotional states and guide us toward healing.
- Creating a supportive community is essential for both parents and their LGBTQ children.
- The journey of self-discovery is ongoing, and it's important to be compassionate with ourselves.
Links referenced in this episode:
Transcript
Welcome back to Just Breathe.
Heather Hester:I am delighted as always to have you here with me.
Heather Hester:And today, once again, I get to give you the gift of a really, really in depth, intense conversation that I got to have with a human being who is doing something in the world that is just absolutely so unique and who is showing up in such an authentic way.
Heather Hester:And as parents and parents of LGBTQ plus kids, I just in this conversation learned so much from talking with them and I know that you will too.
Heather Hester:So I'm really, really excited to inter introduce to you Jen Murray, who is the founder of the High Vibe Healing Collective.
Heather Hester:Using their lived experiences as a white bodied queer loving mama to breathe new ways of being and belonging.
Heather Hester:They emphasize inclusivity and conscious co creation of embodied wellness, uplifting LGBTQ communities and inspiring heart aligned leadership for a more justice oriented world.
Heather Hester:Jen sparks joy filled, loving, cosmically divine communities with a passion for social justice and accountability.
Heather Hester:And I know after an introduction like that, you're probably just like, holy cow, who is this person?
Heather Hester:Well, here they are.
Heather Hester:I am so, so excited to introduce Jen Murra.
Heather Hester:Welcome to Just Breathe Parenting, your LGBTQ teen, the podcast transforming the conversation around loving and raising an LGBTQ child.
Heather Hester:My name is Heather Hester and I am so grateful you are here.
Heather Hester:I want you to take a deep breath and know that for the time we are together, you are in the safety of the Just Breathe nest.
Heather Hester:Whether today's show is an amazing guest or me sharing stories, resources, strategies or lessons I've learned along our journey, I want you to feel like we're just hanging out at a coffee shop having a cozy chat.
Heather Hester:Most of all, I want you to remember that wherever you are on this journey right now, in this moment in time, you are not alone.
Heather Hester:Jen, I am so delighted that you are here.
Heather Hester:I have been looking so forward to this conversation and have so many, so many questions.
Heather Hester:We've been chatting before, we pushed record and oh my goodness, I'm just thrilled for you all to listen to this conversation because Jen is so cool and has absolutely like the most amazing background and what you do now is so unique.
Heather Hester:I can't imagine that there's anybody else that does this.
Heather Hester:I mean it is so specific and so interesting.
Heather Hester:So I would love, love, love actually just to start, kind of start at the beginning and what you, what you did, how you got to where you are now.
Jen Murray:Thanks, Heather.
Jen Murray:I'm so honored to be here and it's just, yeah, truly a pleasure to be in connection with someone who is creating presence for LGBTQ communities and Also really elevating and supporting people in parenting in very intentional ways.
Jen Murray:And so I just highly value what you are doing as a breath worker and somebody who is just immediately enamored and enthralled with the very title of this podcast, Just Breathe.
Jen Murray:I really believe that it is the breath and the time that we take our first breath when we enter this world that really sets us up for what we're going to breathe into the purpose of our lives until we take our final breath and depart from this earthly plane and the earthly vessels that we're embodying.
Jen Murray:And so I am Jen Murray and I am using the pronouns they, them, theirs, and I am someone who has entered into this work through lifelong learning adventure.
Jen Murray:So I am someone who is in the sphere and and place of education for the majority of my prior life career.
Jen Murray: And I took the leap in: Jen Murray:And so yeah, it's a real honor to be here and to be working with ambitious leaders, parents and people who are heart aligned and energetically interested in elevating toward dignity and humanity.
Jen Murray:So I'm excited for our conversation.
Heather Hester:I love that.
Heather Hester:I am too.
Heather Hester:I am too.
Heather Hester:So you spent 17.
Heather Hester:17 years, right?
Heather Hester:That's what he said in the dib space and working in the university spaces and corporate spaces and organizational spaces.
Heather Hester:And what about doing that type of work?
Heather Hester:What did you love about that type of work and what did you kind of ultimately decide?
Heather Hester:This is such important work that I want to take everything that I've learned here and move it into this next space.
Jen Murray:Yeah.
Jen Murray:So when I conceived of the High Vibe Healing Collective, which is what I am the founder of and I use CEO very intentionally, I like to say that I'm centered, meaning I'm grounded and rooted in knowing where I come from.
Jen Murray:And in that I give a nod to Kai Chang Tom, who's one of my mentors and teachers in the Somatic Attachment Therapy certification that I went through.
Jen Murray:And she offers us to think about acknowledging the places and spaces where we've been and where we are and where we're living and occupying to be in a connection to like under unpacking and unlearning and relearning what it is that that space in place means.
Jen Murray:And so I know that you had mentioned to me the power of some of how I've shown up in communities that we've been able to share space in.
Jen Murray:And I talked about really committing to creating expansion and heart alignment and energetic amplification of what I would say are regenerative, sustainable resource creation and co creation very deliberately with communities.
Jen Murray:And that I do that as connecting in from the unceded territory and the stolen traditional lands of the Potawatomi, Ho Chunk, Menominee and the homelands along the southwest shores of Tigame, which is North America's largest system of freshwater lakes.
Jen Murray:And it's where the Milwaukee, Menominee and Kinnickinnic rivers meet.
Jen Murray:And people of Wisconsin, sovereign Anishinaabe, Ho Chunk, Menominee, Oneida and Mohican nations remain present.
Jen Murray:And the Electaquinity Institute at the University of Wisconsin, Milwaukee created that beautiful land acknowledgement.
Jen Murray:But I think that the power of understanding land where we are embodied in this world and then also connecting in to the rhythms of nature and the cosmos really is what took me into the journey from being in a place where there was knowledge exchange and a really a really intentional presence to create community and foster a sense of belonging.
Jen Murray:And I felt like that was really needed in spaces where we collectively heal and we cultivate, well, being within ourselves, but most importantly, I think within the loved ones who are surrounding us.
Jen Murray:And so I think, like, oftentimes we need to breathe belonging into ourselves in order to breathe belonging into the collective.
Jen Murray:And with that, I would also offer that there's an intentionality to like, look at kind of when we take our first breath, like where the planets and the stars are aligned and understand like, how that's really relational and draw upon indigenous wisdom, ancient futures, ancient technologies, to truly look at like, what we've mapped into our own family constellation.
Jen Murray:And so in the pandemic times, as I was home, my loving intimate partner, as I'm a queer loving mama and partnered with a beautiful person who is in health care, was out of our house, and I was at home with two children who at the time were 4 and 8.
Jen Murray:And I was, you know, flying solo and holding down three different.
Jen Murray:Three different roles and responsibilities within the workplace that I was in.
Jen Murray:And I was realizing that, like, I was losing touch with my parenting, and I was really fearing for how I was failing my children because I couldn't even really show up for myself.
Jen Murray:And so I dove really deep into understanding My own natal chart and my own birth chart and the constellations and the planets.
Jen Murray:And then I started to look at my relationship with my children and how I could show up as a better parent, looking at our birth charts and breathing with one another, whether it was an appreciation practice or in a, you know, meditation, mindfulness moment.
Jen Murray:And so anyhow I offer those pieces to sort of say to you that like, I think that I've had this beautiful journey that's been long and winding, but it's always been something that's held an element of queerness and one that's like not conforming to mainstream society but really, truly embracing what it means to be.
Jen Murray:What it means to be showing up from our heart fully expressed.
Heather Hester:Right.
Heather Hester:Well, and I think I'm kind of in awe as I'm listening to you say all of this because you really have.
Heather Hester:Even though I know there's been a ton of deep work in all of these pieces, you have stayed connected to yourself, to you and in all of that and then have just kind of like re.
Heather Hester:Looked at it right.
Heather Hester:And gone deeper and then got right.
Heather Hester:And I think that is.
Heather Hester:So there's such power in that.
Heather Hester:Especially, especially when we are parenting and because it's difficult to do.
Heather Hester:It's difficult to do anytime, but especially when you're parenting.
Heather Hester:And so I'm really just, I love that you did that and you took the time.
Heather Hester:So I'm curious because there are so many different paths that you could have taken and I find it fascinating that one was the somatic teachings, learning the somatic, working with a somatic teacher, and then another was working with astrology.
Heather Hester:And I mean those are two very different things.
Heather Hester:I mean they are interconnected, but they are different things.
Heather Hester:And then I mean there are like a million other choices that you could have made.
Heather Hester:So what about those two ways of being in the world and understanding who you intrinsically are?
Heather Hester:What was the attraction?
Jen Murray:Yeah, so I, I'm an earth sign in my, in my star sign of the sun.
Jen Murray:And I am a double heir.
Jen Murray:And so I actually chose breath work and somatics to be really integrated.
Jen Murray:But I'm also someone who has been a nationally board certified massage therapist for 20 plus years and have been engaged in kind of these healing practices that really look at like what I would call holistic or collective holism, like looking at the wholeness and the health and the well being of, of, of being a person.
Jen Murray:So I always want people to be able to show up as their full selves or their whole selves and that doesn't always happen in workplace environments.
Jen Murray:And so I think that because of my deep interest in sort of elemental ways of being and understanding, for example, with my child, who has a beautiful fiery moon and my air moon, you know, we dance together in a really magical way.
Jen Murray:And the collective skies hold that for us on some days where we can actually, like, have the embers be burning in a sustainable and lovely way.
Jen Murray:And then there are other days where perhaps maybe my communication shows up as blowing on the fire and making it lightly, slightly explosive.
Jen Murray:And so I bring that forward to sort of say that I think that, like, those are all experiences that, like, are maybe out in the world, but they are mirrored within ourselves and in the body too.
Jen Murray:And so that inner nature wisdom.
Jen Murray:For me, the breath is the vehicle and the modality that is both conscious and unconscious.
Jen Murray:It's the only system in our body that we.
Jen Murray:That we operate both consciously and unconsciously.
Jen Murray:And so for me, it's like breathing between kind of this, like, space and place that I lived in for many, many moons, which was the.
Jen Murray:The places of education and where the mind is highly stimulated.
Jen Murray:And we're talking about, like, the mental body operating pretty rapidly and furiously.
Jen Murray:And then I think that, like, being in a place where the breath was connecting me back into my body with the heart and really understanding, like, where is it that my heart gets to align to show up as the best parent I can possibly be, as the greatest leader that I can embody, and also really consciously show up as someone who's a revolutionary, an evolutionary and a visionary in the work that I do.
Jen Murray:Because I want us to be breathing new ways of being and belonging in our world.
Heather Hester:I love that.
Heather Hester:I love that.
Heather Hester:And I.
Heather Hester:As I'm listening to you say this, I'm thinking there are so many people who don't.
Heather Hester:Don't understand that.
Jen Murray:Yeah.
Heather Hester:And I'm thinking that as a person who, you know, has gone through extraordinary changes and evolution, and, you know, when I go back and I oftentimes will kind of do that, like, check in.
Heather Hester:Like, this is when I'm feeling.
Heather Hester:Let's say I'm just having a day, and then I, like, do a check in.
Heather Hester:I'm like, okay, no, this is how far you've come.
Heather Hester:Right.
Heather Hester:Like, this is.
Heather Hester:And so kind of when I go back into that mental space that I perhaps occupied or that person that I was, let's say 10 years ago, had you said all of these things to me, then I would have been like, what on earth?
Heather Hester:Like, I would have been incredibly intrigued.
Heather Hester:But I would have had no idea what you were talking about.
Heather Hester:And so I love that it is something that.
Heather Hester:This is why I think it's so important to talk about and to teach.
Heather Hester:Because these are, these are such simple, you know, the breath, for instance, like, let's just bring it there.
Heather Hester:Because that is something that.
Heather Hester:So we both talk about.
Heather Hester:And it is like the easiest go to, right?
Heather Hester:When you're.
Heather Hester:You can do it anywhere.
Heather Hester:You need to ground, you need to calm, you need to, you know, give yourself a moment.
Heather Hester:Everyone can do that, right?
Heather Hester:Everyone can connect to that, that piece and then that leads to like going deeper and connecting with these other.
Heather Hester:And I think it's just one of those.
Heather Hester:I think it initially, depending on kind of what your prior background or your prior programming was maybe a little more difficult to tap into.
Heather Hester:But once you allow your brain to do that, oh my goodness.
Heather Hester:I mean, just listening to you talk about how it makes perfect sense that this is why you would do this, right?
Heather Hester:Because you have the knowledge of your birth sign.
Heather Hester:So I mean, it just makes so much sense and it is kind of going back to the other.
Heather Hester:I know I'm talking in circles.
Heather Hester:My, My apologies.
Heather Hester:But I'm like putting this all together as we're talking kind of the ancient wisdom that we, we all, you know, we had now have the opportunity.
Heather Hester:We've always had the opportunity, but now we really have the, the technology and therefore the opportunity to, to learn and to understand and to really be like, oh my gosh, like, I have all of this available to me and this is really exciting.
Heather Hester:This is so exciting.
Heather Hester:And so I would love to take a moment.
Heather Hester:We did something before.
Heather Hester:I'm just going to share a little bit about this.
Heather Hester:I came into this conversation with Jen and told them about an interview and discussion that I had that really kind of threw me off.
Heather Hester:And we spent the first 20 minutes talking about this and ultimately you got me into the space of breathing and connecting and really understanding and it was so lovely.
Heather Hester:And I think that for me, that was such a beautiful illustration of just a window of the work that you do.
Heather Hester:I got a little, a little glimpse, a little practice of it.
Heather Hester:But for someone that would want to come and wants to work with you and says, oh, this just feels right.
Heather Hester:Because I think a lot of times we just are guided by like, this feels right.
Heather Hester:I'm not sure, I don't, I don't have the vocabulary or I don't know how to articulate this, but it feels good.
Heather Hester:So I'm going to come talk to this person.
Heather Hester:Right.
Heather Hester:I'm drawn to them.
Heather Hester:So somebody came to you and just said that, like what would you, how would you respond and what would you suggest and what would you do?
Jen Murray:Great question.
Jen Murray:So in a lot of my one on one client work, I'm working with people in what I would consider to be an astrologically energetic coach.
Jen Murray:And what I'm doing is I'm helping people to realign themselves to their energetic, unconditional presence.
Jen Murray:Because I believe that we're in a world where we're frequently distracted, oftentimes disconnected, and we frankly don't feel and we don't even know what it is that we want or what we desire because we're being fed in so many different directions, whether it's through social media or in our past narratives.
Jen Murray:We're rehearsing and revisiting drama or trauma that we've experienced in life.
Jen Murray:And we aren't ever really able to like find that simple connection to our breath and that care and that point of what I would say is self sustenance practice.
Jen Murray:So like a way for us to actually sustain ourselves and our well being, particularly as parents or leaders in our of teams.
Jen Murray:When we are working with people and we're in a place where we're continuously relational, we need to be able to like have that opportunity to slow down and really find the possibilities in being present.
Jen Murray:And that to me is brought to us through the breath.
Jen Murray:And the breath is that language of consciousness and that connection between our heart and our mind that's helping us to like find the bodily wisdom.
Jen Murray:And the way I like to talk about it is our inner nature wisdom.
Jen Murray:So that when we're, when we're accessing that inner nature wisdom, the breath is our own medicine, there is nobody else.
Jen Murray:And many of my breathwork teachers will say breath is medicine and breath is our own medicine.
Jen Murray:It's the only medicine that we have for ourselves and no one can take it away from us.
Jen Murray:And there's no like, there's no wrong way to breathe.
Jen Murray:I like to say to people that like you have full agency.
Jen Murray:And so when someone comes to me and they're in a state much like we you experienced with me today, it's an opportunity to just like slow down and feel into our body where it is that the breath needs to be sent.
Jen Murray:Because we can then move from the unconscious operating system of the breath automatically happening without our thought and take that opportunity to shift it into the conscious connected breath.
Jen Murray:And so when I work with my one on one clients, I frequently have them involved or engaged with me for a series of at least three sessions based upon what they're looking for.
Jen Murray:But I work to have them breathe with me.
Jen Murray:And if they don't have the access and the capital and the time to be able to breathe with me individually, then I invite them into a community container where we breathe, and it's all a virtual offering and opportunity.
Jen Murray:And so they're typically breathing into their own elements of being and getting connected to what does it look like for me to be, Especially in a world where we're constantly bombarded with doing like I have to do, it's to do list after to do list.
Jen Murray:It's checking things off.
Jen Murray:I have everybody asking me to do something.
Jen Murray:Especially when we're parents, you know, our children are reliant upon us for doing things.
Jen Murray:And so the idea of inviting somebody in to be more connected to their being state and more aligned with what it means for them to be present first to themselves so that then they can show up more present to their parenting.
Jen Murray:And then I typically will offer to read their natal chart after we've done some breath work together, because I say to them that it's really important for them to understand where they can breathe more intentionally and consciously, following the collective skies and also honoring the kind of the planetary and star purpose that was planted in them when they entered this world.
Jen Murray:And so I think that the beauty, in my opinion, of kind of this process is that, like, once they have had their own natal chart reading with their.
Jen Murray:With their child's permission or with their desire to, like, see and learn more about how they might show up better as a parent or how they might be able to better relate to their child, I think a lot of times we lose what it is.
Jen Murray:Our children are here just to share with us.
Jen Murray:And being like, they're all little teachers.
Jen Murray:I think that each child comes into our life really in a way that we're like, they've chosen to be with us.
Jen Murray:One of the astrologers that I followed has said they come down the rainbow bridge and they choose to be in our families.
Jen Murray:And I think that it's really a concept that's within LGBTQ communities.
Jen Murray:And it's this notion of chosen family.
Jen Murray:It's this place of, like, when we look at our astrology and we look at our breath, we're actually choosing to consciously be here and be present to living in a way that's most heart expressed and most authentic.
Jen Murray:And so I think that that's.
Jen Murray:Those are the ways in which I have people offering, working with Me from one on one possibilities to group offerings.
Jen Murray:And yeah, and it can find me through the High Vibe Healing Collective.
Jen Murray:And so it's High Vibe Healing Collective.
Jen Murray:DOT is my company.
Heather Hester:Well, I will definitely share all of that information, so it'll be very easy for you all to just click, click right through and find John.
Heather Hester:I am.
Heather Hester:I do want to talk a little bit more though about just this idea of being present and being aware because I think that that awareness piece is huge.
Heather Hester:And it's something that again, I think because of all the reasons that you mentioned so much of our time could, could easily be spent on autopilot and kind of a frenetic autopilot.
Heather Hester:Right.
Heather Hester:And so what a gift is, you know, this idea of becoming aware and then being.
Heather Hester:And I love that you brought that up and you said it several times.
Heather Hester:And I was sitting here like kind of stunned because I was just doing some writing earlier today and I was writing the difference, you know, talking about the difference between doing and being love.
Heather Hester:It's like, yes, that is exactly, yes.
Heather Hester:But making, I mean, this is, this is work that you're talking about and it's conscious work, which can be difficult to do.
Heather Hester:So I do kind of want to talk about that a little bit.
Heather Hester:Not that I want to say, oh my gosh, this is going to be so hard, but I think oftentimes people get discouraged because it is, it can be difficult or it's not something that just automatically happens.
Heather Hester:Like I decide I'm going to be present and I'm present.
Heather Hester:So what are some of the ways that you encourage the people that you work with to kind of either.
Heather Hester:Is it to create some kind of routine?
Heather Hester:Is it to, you know, how to kind of work through that, to create, to build that muscle, the awareness muscle and the being present muscle?
Jen Murray:Yeah.
Jen Murray:So I would say that like again, I return to the breath because for me the breath is something that it can be a daily hygiene practice where you're just having a.
Jen Murray:You know, folks are oftentimes familiar with things like the box breath, where you're counting to the, you know, you're doing a count of four and then holding for a count of four, and then you're letting go for a count of four and holding out for a count of four.
Jen Murray:And there are different tools and techniques that might be a little bit more prescribed.
Jen Murray:But I think that when we sit and listen to our own breath, our breath oftentimes guides us into our own understanding of what it means to be present and how we can actually ground into presence I've realized, as I shared earlier, I started to talk to you about being centered, grounded, and rooted.
Jen Murray:And that's the first letter of CEO, but I never finished the final two.
Jen Murray:And I think they're really important.
Jen Murray:So I'm like, wow, please do.
Jen Murray:Yeah, I interrupted myself.
Jen Murray:That's pretty funny.
Jen Murray:So there's.
Jen Murray:There's a, like a moment of, like, not being as present wasn't as I maybe wanted to be.
Jen Murray:But the E for me is energetic.
Jen Murray:And it's really about being in energetic exchanges.
Jen Murray:And everything that we do is energy in motion, and everything that we be is also energy in motion and energy.
Jen Murray:Emotion is just a short way of saying emotion.
Jen Murray:So we have a lot of feelings, and the way in which we feel to heal is really critical coming out of the E with energetic.
Jen Murray:So I'm a centered and energetic.
Jen Murray:And then the last part for me is O.
Jen Murray:And I say this as a queer loving mama who consciously and intentionally brought two humans into the world.
Jen Murray:And because I created my family in such a way where we brought children into the.
Jen Murray:Into the world, and I have, I.
Jen Murray:I am getting to be committed to having a active sense of hope because I believe that optimism is the O.
Jen Murray:And I want there to be a possibility in the future where people are celebrated and honored and feel a sense of belonging to the world from the minute that they enter it with their very first breath.
Jen Murray:And I want people to feel that sense of love and compassion and unconditional love and unconditional presence in their lives so that they know that they can be all of who they are without hesitation and without reservation, as someone who took a long time to come out.
Jen Murray:So I, you know, was in.
Jen Murray:I was in my college years before I came into sharing and naming and claiming who I was.
Jen Murray:And then I worked for 17 plus years coaching thousands of young people around being LGBTQ plus identity identified.
Jen Murray:And in those experiences of being in a place in a space where I lived like sort of a double life, and I lived a life where I wasn't fully honest and truthful, it became essential for me to be completely honest and fully truthful and totally authentic in my expression.
Jen Murray:And so I'm going back now after giving you what the CEO is, to just remind people that, like, your breath is going to actually help you to understand how it is you can show up as a more loving and compassionate parent, how it is you can be more equitable and just in your approach to leadership, how it is that you can enter into your communities with more intention and attention to, like, energetically Exchanging in ways that are life giving and life affirming.
Jen Murray:And so I just invite people into working with the breath first and foremost and then having them dance with whatever element feels most alive in them.
Jen Murray:So that could be that it's like they want to spark joy and they really want to ignite something.
Jen Murray:And I jokingly have always referred to myself as the joy generator generator spelled J E N generator.
Jen Murray:And I also have said that I'm part of Gen X, which is J E N X.
Jen Murray:So as the, as a person who's in, you know, Generation X and a joy generator, I think that, you know, like maybe it's people wanting to spark those flames or reignite a part of them that like got lost and be able to be more creative.
Jen Murray:Or perhaps it's like someone being in the cleansing and purifying waters and really like feeling to heal those emotions that maybe got trapped in their body and didn't get a chance to actually get seen.
Jen Murray:And you know, that could be something as simple and as beautiful that I think is very relatable to like not feeling like I can speak my truth and feeling like something has landed in my heart and it's painting me and it's creating the sorrow.
Jen Murray:And as I mentioned to you before we started the recording, you know, one of, one of my teachers in the somatic practice world spoke about really tears are just the oceans and they are just our connection and reconnection to being with the oceans and the waters that we were created in.
Jen Murray:So we are oftentimes entering the world by being in, you know, a nine month time period in waters.
Jen Murray:And in those waters we like rebirth ourselves every time we allow ourselves to freely flow with our energy of the water element and our tears and our sadness and our tears can be tears of joy.
Jen Murray:And so like maybe it's the water element that is drawing someone or it could be the air element and that's you know, processing through words and, or through the very breath that we've speaking of.
Jen Murray:And finally I would say that sometimes it's the earth element and that's just connecting to like gardening or growing something or doing something that is like of this earth and feels like you're connected into the embodiment that you are.
Jen Murray:And so it could be something as simple as feeling your toes on the ground and doing some grounding or earthing practice.
Jen Murray:But I think it's finding what is it that is the elemental and astrological aligned heart practice that will really keep you in a state of being present to your own possibilities.
Heather Hester:Right Right.
Heather Hester:And having that to be able to go back to right, when you start to feel all the things that you start to feel, right?
Heather Hester:That when you are floaty or spinny or whatever word that you want to use, that's not really a word.
Heather Hester:And so the thing that can bring you back there, what brings you back there.
Heather Hester:And like you, I agree the breath is always involved.
Heather Hester:It was very intentional that I named this podcast Just Breathe, because that is the one thing we can all do right.
Heather Hester:And then we go from there.
Jen Murray:If I may offer, Heather, I want to share one quick piece, because I think the just.
Jen Murray:The just breathe is so critical, and sometimes it's just.
Jen Murray:It's just reminding ourselves that we can, like, the things that we feel like we don't.
Jen Murray:Can't control.
Jen Murray:Breath is one of them that we can control and won't harm anyone else.
Jen Murray:And the only way that you do breathe wrong is if you stop breathing, because that means that you will no longer be living.
Jen Murray:So, like, that's the only time in which I would say that, like, you know, where.
Jen Murray:When we feel like things, like you said, are maybe spiraling or feeling like they're not within a space in a place where we're rooted and grounded and centered in where we need to be, I think that the breath helps us to just remember that we are both conscious and unconscious in a lot of the ways in which we operate.
Jen Murray:Whether it's as a parent or as a sibling or as a leader of a company or someone who's facilitating a team, all of us are able to access our innovative and creative potential through the breath.
Jen Murray:And so that's where I think of, like, the practice that I use is actually conscious, connected breathing.
Jen Murray:And it's a breath practice that's actually no pause at the top and no pause at the bottom.
Jen Murray:And it's really critical, in particular, for me as an LGBTQ plus person to think about that unification and no longer living a double life.
Jen Murray:And what does it feel like to have that integration, even if it's only within myself, because I'm not in a place where I feel safe enough or where I feel like I can be, where I trust people to honor and affirm me for being all of who I am.
Jen Murray:And so I think it's really important that, like, the breath be the gift that can be happening in the quiet stillness and the silence and then the spaces where it's completely and totally serene and peaceful and also in, like, the mass chaos or in the moments where it's like you're feeling overwhelmed and anxious and, you know, burdened by or suffering in life.
Jen Murray:It's like the breath is just there as a gentle reminder that it.
Jen Murray:It's always with you, and it's always something you can access and no one else can take that away from you.
Jen Murray:And it's something you have full agency over in all of your.
Jen Murray:In all of your ways in which you engage in the world.
Heather Hester:Right, right.
Heather Hester:And I also, you know, kind of just building on that, because this is something that I find also fascinating in that our breath is the way that we are breathing, can give so much information.
Heather Hester:So thinking about the times when you said, you know, if you're not breathing.
Heather Hester:Well, a lot of times I've learned that if I am, there's a particular topic that if I'm talking about it or if I'm kind of working through it, I stop breathing.
Jen Murray:I like.
Heather Hester:And, you know, the person that I'm, my therapist will be like, you need to start breathing again.
Heather Hester:Like, she's watching me and she's like, you haven't taken a breath for like a minute and a half.
Heather Hester:You need to breathe.
Heather Hester:And I don't even realize it in the time.
Heather Hester:Right.
Heather Hester:Because that is how I'm working.
Heather Hester:Or, you know, you think about the times that you're breathing really fast because you're, you know, anxious about something.
Heather Hester:Right.
Heather Hester:Like, the breath gives so much information that then we can take that information and.
Heather Hester:And use that to kind of reverse whatever is going on.
Heather Hester:And it's just such a cool.
Heather Hester:It's just such a beautiful thing that our body does for us, that is available to us.
Heather Hester:So.
Jen Murray:Absolutely.
Jen Murray:Absolutely.
Jen Murray:And.
Jen Murray:And I would say too, that it's like the possibilities are endless within your own breath and that there's an infinite number of ways in which you can breathe.
Jen Murray:And it might be holding, but it's also just observing and noticing.
Jen Murray:Like, when I'm holding, am I holding so that I actually listen more deeply to, like, my own intuition or my own bodily wisdom?
Jen Murray:Or am I holding because I'm in a pattern of fear or something that is, like, activated of a past sense or way of being?
Jen Murray:Or am I projecting into a future way as opposed to truly being in that moment?
Jen Murray:And that's where it goes back to the present piece, where it's.
Jen Murray:The breath keeps us here in this moment.
Heather Hester:Right.
Jen Murray:And it doesn't allow for us to be in a future state or in a past drama.
Heather Hester:Right.
Jen Murray:And instead what it does is it like, honors our being here and now with whatever is arising.
Jen Murray:And I think that that's like the practice of mindfulness, it's the practice of breath and it's the wisdom that like is I think across, across many ancient traditions and cultures.
Jen Murray:And I think it's a tool that our ancestors used in their way of being able to understand how it is that we can engage more fully and more completely in the world and in ways that like actually do innovate and create possibilities that are beyond our wildest imaginations.
Heather Hester:100%.
Heather Hester:Oh my goodness.
Heather Hester:I mean just.
Heather Hester:It is, it's endless.
Heather Hester:The possibilities are endless when you stop and that is the other.
Heather Hester:You know, it's the gift of that pause.
Jen Murray:Yes.
Heather Hester:Being connected to your breath allows you to pause.
Heather Hester:It allows that moment and, or those moments so powerful and so easy and accessible.
Heather Hester:Right.
Heather Hester:It is truly one of the greatest gifts we can give.
Heather Hester:Give ourselves.
Jen Murray:Yeah.
Jen Murray:And I, and you know, I know your audience will appreciate just knowing that like I think the beauty of the work that they're all engaged in right now is they are breathing new possibilities for future generations by being present to listening in to some of the like amazing revolutionaries and evolutionaries who you brought through to talk not only philosophy and, or about the breath or about gender, but I think that there's a lot to be said about what does it look like to support a young person in their evolution and in their development in a way that like sees them for who they are in this moment.
Jen Murray:No need to like go back to who they were yesterday or who they might become tomorrow, but rather really show up for them just right now with a fierce and unconditional love that's revolutionarily oriented in a way of like honoring like their heart.
Jen Murray:Because I think when people get seen in who they are in that moment and honored and affirmed in being that expressed expression, I fully like believe that people have an opportunity to just impact and give in and contribute to the world in ways that are just limitless because they get an opportunity.
Jen Murray:And I say that as someone who had loving parents who supported me and being me and you know, they even, we like to joke my, my wife and I both have, and we call each other loving intimate partners, but my loving intimate partner and I both have you know, heterosexually partnered siblings.
Jen Murray:And you know, we were the first of our family to actually procreate and like bring grandchildren into our parents lives.
Jen Murray:And I think that like it's a really important like message because I think a lot of times there's fear around what will this mean for my child?
Jen Murray:Being able to like have children or for them to be able to, like, gain some of the experiences that we have had as parents.
Jen Murray:And I think it's really so important as someone who, like, people would say, like, it would have been maybe more difficult or more challenging for us to have a family, but, like, we created a family very intentionally and very consciously because we believe that there is a greater possibility for what the future holds as we become more connected to the rhythms of nature and, like, aligned with the way in which our planet needs us to care for it as well as we become more open to fostering a sense of belonging and truly helping people to live in, live in and out of their heart with a unconditional love and a presence that I think is only.
Jen Murray:Only really available by breathing, like, through what seems like, oh, this is never going to happen.
Jen Murray:I mean, because it's like, there could be a crisis after a crisis, after a drama, after a trauma.
Jen Murray:And all of those are very real.
Jen Murray:And they get to be experienced fully and completely.
Jen Murray:And when we're ready, we take another breath and we remember that we can bring in something that's fresh in a new perspective, and we can let go of what's stagnant and old and no longer serving us.
Jen Murray:And so those are the things that I think your community will appreciate hearing from me as someone who's a queer loving mama and connected to elevating parents and being more intentional and more purposeful in their parenting, especially for those of us who have a fear of messing up.
Jen Murray:So, I mean, I will say that my children are the greatest reminders in my life that I cursed a lot.
Jen Murray:I cursed a lot during the pandemic times as I worked remotely from home.
Jen Murray:And so I'm working to change things.
Jen Murray:Like, bananas split has become my new curse word.
Jen Murray:And I just say, like, banana split if something seems like, sort of, you know, wild and not of this earthly endeavor.
Jen Murray:So, anyhow, I mentioned that to say that I typically would.
Jen Murray:I would throw an F bomb into, like, you know, But I know since we're listening with parents and we don't know the age of the children, I'll just not.
Jen Murray:I won't put any expletives in there, but I do think that, like, as a parent who was on a journey and really feared messing up and really feared for how I was showing up with my kids, especially in the times where my loving intimate partner was away in health care and I was the solo parent home, and I felt very torn about the way in which I, like, resorted to anger or I resorted to, like, yelling and things that Like, I just never imagined myself engaging in as a parent, but it was like, coming almost like a natural habit.
Jen Murray:And I disrupted it by really starting to understand my children's charts and how they needed to be emotionally nurtured and how they wanted to, like, receive feedback and how they needed to be listened to.
Jen Murray:And it wasn't always natural for me, but it became a practice and it was a practice of presence.
Jen Murray:And it just brings me back to like, how important the breath was in those practice moments because I certainly had my fair share of messing up amidst all of that.
Heather Hester:Yes, well, and I think that is such an important thing to share because we all mess up and I think that we don't talk about messing up enough.
Heather Hester:We don't talk about just being human and the importance of being human in front of our children.
Heather Hester:Because that is as equally important to model being a human being as it is to model the behaviors that you'd like for them to pick up on.
Heather Hester:Whatever that is that whatever your family's values are that you're teaching, it's also important for them to see you, you know, drop an F bomb or.
Heather Hester:Right.
Heather Hester:I mean, I will tell you, just speak and giggle.
Heather Hester:Because I did not swear in front of my kids probably until the pandemic.
Heather Hester:I'm laughing, I'm like, we switched places.
Heather Hester:And probably was before that, actually.
Heather Hester:Probably when all of this stuff started happening, you know, with Connor.
Heather Hester:Connor.
Heather Hester:Connor's coming out was like the great shift for all of us.
Heather Hester:But, you know, we giggle now.
Heather Hester:Like, even my coffee cup this morning had a swear word on it.
Heather Hester:And my 15 year old was like, mom, that is not modeling good behavior.
Heather Hester:But, I mean, we laugh, right?
Heather Hester:Because he's 15 and I would be delusional to think that that is not a word that he was using with his buddies on the Xbox.
Heather Hester:So I think it's one of those lovely.
Heather Hester:The fact that we can talk about it and talk about when it's maybe appropriate and not appropriate, right.
Heather Hester:And have those, like, very real conversations.
Heather Hester:To me, that's like the gift of this, right?
Heather Hester:So we get to be human and we get to be like, yeah, we as parents totally screw up like, every single day.
Heather Hester:That is part of this human experience.
Heather Hester:And we can talk about it and we can apologize if our screwing up has affected you in a negative way, which is one of my favorite things to do now is to, you know, I'm really sorry that I yelled at you for no reason or had, you know, I did not have the patience that I wish I would have had in that moment, I apologize.
Heather Hester:Right.
Heather Hester:And learning to do the correct.
Heather Hester:This is what.
Heather Hester:And you will love this.
Heather Hester:My husband, for years, his apology would always be I'm sorry if, which gives me a little twitch.
Heather Hester:And I for the longest time didn't understand why it bothered me so much.
Heather Hester:And then I learned the language, right?
Heather Hester:And now he understands.
Heather Hester:So it's like a joke, but it is that like catching those little tiny things, right?
Heather Hester:And teaching those little tiny things, like your language matters.
Heather Hester:The words you use matter being attuned to another's not just what they're saying to you, but what their body is saying to you.
Heather Hester:What is their body language saying, right?
Heather Hester:And so all to say these lovely, lovely gifts that just being real in our parenting and accepting that we are going to mess up.
Jen Murray:Yes, I appreciate that so much.
Jen Murray:You know, I, I've done a lot of diversity, equity, inclusion and belonging work as we referenced earlier and, and you know, a lot of white accountability.
Jen Murray:So as a white, a white woman and white bodied woman, I would say that like, there's a lot to be said about the way in which I have deeply been honored by the gift of feedback from communities that I've been connected to when it comes to understanding the unlearning of white supremacy culture and the tenets of white supremacy culture.
Jen Murray:And those are oftentimes needing to get it right, wanting to look good, perfectionism.
Jen Murray:And there are many more.
Jen Murray:And it's Tema Unkun work, which is I can, I can have you be able to like link that in the show notes.
Jen Murray:But I think that that work is so critical when we're talking about the intersectionality and the necessity of understanding that we are not monolithic or single human beings.
Jen Murray:We are actually, we hold multiple identities and we need those identities to be able to live in a way that is integrated and also honored and affirmed.
Jen Murray:And my favorite thing from my loving intimate partner and spouse is at early on in our relationship, I think that there was a desire to tattoo H and M on my arm.
Jen Murray:And I said, tell me more about this.
Jen Murray:And of course, thank goodness we didn't go that route because H and M became a clothing brand store.
Jen Murray:But like, but I would say that, like that having the idea of H M tattooed was really to stand for being human and being messy and remembering that like, being human is messy.
Jen Murray:And it's also critical that like, we not get caught up in needing to get it right or needing to be perfect or needing to like show up in ways that are urgent.
Jen Murray:Except I think that there Is a.
Jen Murray:In releasing, like, kind of the urgency, there is a remembering to slow down enough to access some of the ancient, ancestral and embodied wisdom that all of us hold and.
Jen Murray:And utilize the breath to get there.
Jen Murray:And so I circle back to just say that I think that it is so critical that we figure out what language is that we use.
Jen Murray:And it's easy to get lost in language and words.
Jen Murray:My double air loves words, as you may have already observed in this.
Jen Murray:In this.
Jen Murray:In this beautiful conversation.
Jen Murray:And I think that there's a real necessity to, like, stay simple in the way in which we really seek to honor and affirm people in being who they are and any given moment and without expectation or judgment or anticipation of who they might be becoming.
Jen Murray:Because you just want to make hold space for there to be a possibility that whoever the person is that you're most loved and connected to, who's LGBTQ+ identified is finding their way, and there is no necessity to hold them in any one identity that they share with you at any given moment in time, because it's ultimately an evolution and identity development is an unfolding process.
Jen Murray:And so making sure that we find the space, grace, and place of presence to be able to honor people being who they are, whether it's in your home and in your family or in.
Jen Murray:In your community and in your workplace, it's so critical that you find ways to be able to show up human and messy and be able to receive the gift of feedback.
Jen Murray:Getting uncomfortable and sitting in the discomfort and really, truly being in the space of speaking your truth as it arises in you so that you're able to connect with people from the heart.
Jen Murray:Yes.
Heather Hester:You're hitting on, like, all of my favorite things.
Heather Hester:I'm literally sitting here like, yes, that too.
Heather Hester:That is one of my favorite sayings that I've said from the beginning is embrace the beauty.
Heather Hester:The beauty and the messiness.
Heather Hester:Because it's just.
Heather Hester:It is and it is right.
Heather Hester:And the loving for who they are right now in this moment in time.
Heather Hester:And that was a lesson that we learned, you know, through difficulties and that at one point, because I think it is natural for parents to want to fix.
Heather Hester:Because to your point, we don't like to be uncomfortable.
Heather Hester:Right.
Heather Hester:So it's uncomfortable when our.
Heather Hester:The child is hurting or, you know, there's.
Heather Hester:There's some kind of struggle going on.
Heather Hester:And so we want to fix that because it doesn't feel good.
Heather Hester:And.
Heather Hester:And ultimately, in fixing, we tend to, like, go future right with the fix.
Heather Hester:Well, whatever.
Heather Hester:This fixes some.
Heather Hester:At some point, in the future.
Heather Hester:And I remember Connor, I mean, very, very clearly saying to us, thankfully, pretty early on, when you talk about that when you try to fix it, makes me feel like I am not good enough.
Heather Hester:Enough.
Heather Hester:It, you know, and he said a lot more, but it was, that was the idea, you know, he, it was just adding to the, the layers of, you know, self loathing that he was going through at the time.
Heather Hester:And you know, just all the way we were just piling on, we had no idea, right?
Heather Hester:We, we thought we were being helpful.
Heather Hester:In fact, we were not.
Heather Hester:What he needed to hear was, we love you for who you are right this moment, right now.
Heather Hester:We see you, we hear you, we love you.
Heather Hester:That's all they need.
Jen Murray:Yes.
Jen Murray:That's so simple and yet sometimes so difficult because it's like, you know, you're breaking a pattern of socialization.
Jen Murray:It's a bit.
Jen Murray:Because a lot of times, you know, I like to say this, you know, in my work as a visionary collective healer with diversity, equity, inclusion and belonging, and in what I do as like kind of a well being executive astrological coach, like, and consultant, I definitely see that, like, we need to acknowledge that we are truthfully, like, engaged in a, like in what I would say is like a collective, in like a collective illness.
Jen Murray:Like, so, so they're like, we need, we need collective healing.
Jen Murray:We have to engage in collective healing because collective illness, and that collective illness is that we conform to, creating a sense of lack and worthiness.
Jen Murray:Like, so we, we have an unworthiness, right?
Jen Murray:So we have like this, we have this like conformity where it's like a status quo way of operating, a way where we just stay with what is comfortable and familiar.
Jen Murray:And if anyone throws us like a curveball from left field, I'll just use an example.
Jen Murray:Example of a former student of mine.
Jen Murray:They would say to me, like, Jen, when I wear this bracelet, and then they would like, describe the bracelet.
Jen Murray:It would be like, I'm wearing like a rose quartz pink bracelet.
Jen Murray:I need you to call me Jacqueline.
Jen Murray:But when I'm wearing this, like, bow tie, I want you to call me Jacob.
Jen Murray:And those are my names.
Jen Murray:And then I have pronouns that go with each of those names.
Jen Murray:And I'd like you to be honoring of them.
Jen Murray:And it was really one of those pieces where I thought to myself, like, they're really walking me lovingly through the way in which they want to be honored in this world and in this and in the moments that I cross paths with them.
Jen Murray:And it doesn't take much for me to Just like retain like, okay, the signifier that they're wearing is the rose quartz bracelet and the bow tie is the signifier for when I'm going to use Jacob.
Jen Murray:And the pronoun set he, him, his and Jacqueline is going to be she, her, hers.
Jen Murray:And in fact this student actually used they, them, theirs with Jacqueline and they used he, him, his with Jacob.
Jen Murray:But that being said, it was a and and those names aren't the real names.
Jen Murray:But like that being said I would say is like, you know, when we cannot fit up to a standardized societal expectation, status quo, for example, then we have what I would say is an illness of conformity.
Jen Murray:Like it's an, an illness of conformity.
Jen Murray:And we need to have the ability to acknowledge who it is we are in that moment and be embracing and embodying our inherent wholeness and our innate worthiness in the collective at that same point in time.
Jen Murray:And we need to look at wholeness of mind, wholeness of body, wholeness of heart, wholeness of spirits, wholeness of soul with different modalities.
Jen Murray:And finding those modalities is what it is I've done as a collective healer, which is why I weave in the multiplicities of practices and tools for people to be able to resource and to find an ability to connect to their own like wellspring of well being practices.
Jen Murray:And that is like for them not, it's not something that's going to go dry because it's coming from within themselves.
Jen Murray:And that's why for me breathing, belonging is the medicine that I've framed for using it in the collective when I'm working with corporate relations or as a consultant.
Jen Murray:And I'm helping people to like get away from their identity, get away from their actual, from, from their like role and their responsibility and their, the label, they're not living into the labels, but they're actually breathing, belonging into themselves so that they can innovate into the projects that they're working with on their teams with a creative sense of their own breath as accessing their inner wise being or their expanded sense of self.
Jen Murray:And those are things to me that like, are necessary as we create a new world.
Jen Murray:And we, and we invite people in to breathing new ways of being and showing up accountable for who we are and what we've embodied.
Jen Murray:But what we're aspiring to be is actually in a revolutionary way more just more equitable and more inclusive and intentional.
Jen Murray:And so those are the like, I think big pieces I wanted to make sure that I shared with your community because I do believe that, like, the Just Breathe podcast is a form of medicine for the collective illness of conformity.
Jen Murray:And it is a sense of permission slip to be able to say, like, it's okay for you to have the permission to be a little messy in the.
Jen Murray:In the moments where you're learning or unlearning and relearning.
Jen Murray:Because I think that it is giving yourself that grace and embracing that mess as like a sort of, you know, tool of grace to say, hey, I messed up this time, and I appreciate you giving me the space and time to change.
Jen Murray:But, like, when I.
Jen Murray:But I want.
Jen Murray:But I want to let you to know that I love you fiercely and unconditionally, irrespective of my errors and my human, you know, my human mistakes.
Heather Hester:Right, Right.
Heather Hester:Always.
Heather Hester:Every single time.
Heather Hester:Right?
Jen Murray:Yes.
Jen Murray:Yes.
Heather Hester:I think that is such a beautiful way to just.
Heather Hester:To wrap up.
Heather Hester:And I realized I just looked at the clock and I have just been so taken and swept by our conversation and just by you in general.
Heather Hester:So thank you.
Heather Hester:Thank you for sharing of your wisdom and your heart and your knowledge with me and with my community.
Heather Hester:And I think that we will definitely have to do a part two at some point because that was just lovely.
Jen Murray:Oh, thank you, Heather.
Jen Murray:It's such a.
Jen Murray:It's such an honor.
Jen Murray:And I really am appreciating the opportunity for your community to connect more into the ways that they can parent and lead with purpose and potential from their heart.
Jen Murray:So thank you for bringing me in and connecting me to this LGBTQ community that is more than just a singular community.
Jen Murray:LGBTQ communities that are.
Jen Murray:That are the.
Jen Murray:That are the multi, passionate, multi potential light beings of our.
Jen Murray:Of our new world.
Jen Murray:So thank you.
Heather Hester:Thanks so much for joining me today.
Heather Hester:If you enjoyed today's episode, I would be so grateful.
Heather Hester:For a rating or a review, click on the link in the show notes or go to my website, chrysalismama.com to stay up to date on my latest resources, as well as to learn how you can work with me.
Heather Hester:Please share this podcast with anyone who needs to know that they are not alone.
Heather Hester:And remember to just breathe.
Heather Hester:Until next time.
