Removing Labels with Julie Ann Salisbury and Vicente Asaro

JB Intro/Outro: 00:00:02

Welcome to Just Breathe Parenting your LGBTQ Teen. The podcast transforming the conversation around loving and raising an LGBTQ child filled with awesome guests practical strategies and moving stories host Heather Hester always makes you feel like you're having a cozy chat. Wherever you are on this journey right now, in this moment in time, you are not alone. And here is Heather for this week's amazing episode.

Heather Hester: 00:00:35

Welcome to Just breathe, I am so glad you are here. Buckle your seatbelts for this mind expanding conversation with Julie Anne and Vicente. Julie Anne is the founder of influence publishing and a thought leader in her own right, creating the misfit movement with her partner of SMT. Our conversation today touches on masculine and feminine energy, as well as the freedom that comes from removing labels. This episode is one you'll want to focus on and perhaps even take notes. So Julie Anne and Vicente, I am really excited to have you on my show today. And to learn more about you both and about your stories. And to have my audience, just hear your stories. And I think it will just be so educational and enlightening. And really, really beautiful. So thank you for agreeing to meet with me today and to be on my show. And I'm wondering if we can just kind of get started by sharing. First you know who you are. And then you know, vicinity. Talking a little bit about your journey that brought you to where we are today. Yeah,

Julie Ann Salisbury: 00:01:59

I can I can start my so I'm Julianne. I'm the founder of influence publishing the center and I got together in October our souls were joined possibly by my, my past fiance, who who passed in August, and and we started our soul journey together. And it's been a really fun ride ever since.

Vicente Asaro: 00:02:32

I call it a very interesting soup of experiences.

Heather Hester: 00:02:35

I like that. I like that. So Vicente, you've had you've had quite a journey yourself, haven't you?

Vicente Asaro: 00:02:45

The Journey From where coming from actually come from the chart actually. I was born in Detroit. And I kind of went out throughout the city meeting all kinds of different people. And I think what kind of helped me understanding the differences in people was seeing the differences on how people just kind of lived because it Detroit's in a very interesting spot right now. You could experience people who are living in pretty much like hard times what we will say like down in the gutter and not two minutes away, you'll find somebody who's fluent enough to buy or renovate the entire neighborhood, because this is what they can afford at that time. So what was interesting to me was I kind of was going around the city in this meeting and talking to people of all walks of life, from what we would call the fringe or the outside the the people who who are loners or drifters, the wayward people. I didn't really see any disconnect from themselves, about about like what we all like want to experience and that is a community. It is heartfelt joy with somebody, a moment to be open with somebody, it didn't matter who they were, what they were doing, I can always find that constant rhythm and people's heart to want to be open with somebody else. And it actually by experiencing the journeys of others passing by, I was able to kind of get a chance to look back at my own journey and see what was constantly my own life. And that was one of them. Being I am open to I I am a, I just I just feel the energy of attraction towards anybody that I meet, like, I, I have no preference of what kind of makeup your body was born with. But what makeup they choose to, to go with now, what they choose to make with, they want to be the makeup of how they express themselves, I'm attracted to that. And I know people got names for, for wanting to just love people for who they are, I'm just happy, I get a chance to just love the person, just because that's what they were like.

Heather Hester: 00:05:41

That is such a gift that you are able to do that and unable to do that at such at a young age and to be so it's not only introspective, but it's really also at the same time. It's very,

Vicente Asaro: 00:06:04

like, it just looks like it's like it is

Heather Hester: 00:06:07

expansive, it just has it kind of it allows you to take in everything. And I'm as you were telling that story, I was sitting here kind of picturing you, you know, like walking down the streets of Detroit, I live north of Chicago. So I'm very familiar with Detroit. And I grew up in the Midwest. And so anyway, I you know, I'm picturing this, you walking down the streets and like, and just having this like, connection and like, you know, just been so open to others energy, which is really, really, it is a it's a gift, it's a gift, and it's a gift that's available to all of us. Yeah, but I think quite extraordinary that you, Ray, Ray, able to realize what that was become aware of it and really take it and run with it,

Vicente Asaro: 00:06:58

that's what I would, I would say is the gift for me is to be able to be on this planet to experience that, to be here with other people to experience all these different journeys. And that, to me is a gift.

Heather Hester: 00:07:13

Wow. That is I mean, it really, really is. And anyone who comes in to contact with you, what a gift that is for them as well.

Vicente Asaro: 00:07:22

And it's a likewise gift to be able to hear their attorney. i That's why I, I would I like to say I can't stress enough, but I will. But I also want to say is I hope I am stressing enough on how much I want somebody to be able to just express exactly what they want to say. Whether it's mad, sad, happy or glad i Amen. It's what you want, as how you want to express yourself. So

Julie Ann Salisbury: 00:07:53

it's actually really, really nice, however, to be able to come across a fellow human being that literally has no judgment or no expectations, or, like literally no boundaries in terms of you know, what the human what that human shaped takes, like, whether it's somebody, you know, like, there's a big age difference between us. And so even that, in itself, comes with judgment from some people, right? But of course, he doesn't see any of that he doesn't see any, like, age difference. He doesn't, you know, it's, it's, there's no consequence because it is the soul, it's the, it's who you are as a person, which is what he's attracted to. Right. And so, it doesn't matter if it's, if it's a man, it doesn't matter if it's a, you know, disabled person doesn't matter if it like there's no boundaries, because it's just literally who that person is. Who as a person as a as a soul. And so, you know, I, when you talk about all the things that stopped people, you know, whether it's, you know, racism or sexuality, or you know, all the things that people, they they judge what's right, or what's wrong based on how they perceive people, right? And that perception often comes because these are the beliefs that we've been raised with, right? So to be able to, like meet somebody who not like none of those jokes are right. They're not they're not they're like they don't exist. They don't exist at all. And for me, we had this conversation have a but I, I feel like there's more and more people like the Sunday that of his generation, that have this viewpoint and so I feel Now that there are more and more children that are, you know, identifying this way that is saying, Well, you know, why do I have to have a label? Or why do I have to say I'm this or I'm that or, you know, why is that necessary? I just love I just love and this person I love is this and this person I love is that it doesn't matter. There's no, there is no, there's nothing. There's no boundaries, there's nothing that actually says this is right, or this is wrong. It's just love.

Heather Hester: 00:10:30

Which is really, really, I mean, as I'm sitting here, you're taking this all in, I'm thinking, this is so needed, right? And so extraordinary, because when you are being true, when we talk about being authentic, right? You are being like this is the epitome of being authentic, because all you see is the soul, right? The what makes us who we are the our personality, our everything, right? Just that all that inner stuff. And I mean, that's who we are, right? All the outside stuff is just a covering, yeah, it's like a window dressing or whatever, you know, like, it's like curtains. And and I just, I really, really. And we did we talked, I love that because we did talk about how, like my kids generation, absolutely. So much more like that. And thank goodness, because, you know, I know you come across and I come across that many people, and this is just how we were brought up is labels, right? Like everything has to fit into a certain box. And it didn't matter. Like it was like you hit the box, first, whatever, that checkboxes, and then you could actually see the person, right? Yes, where you flip that around you you see the person first. And then

Julie Ann Salisbury: 00:12:06

everybody's not necessarily to have a box, right. And I I think that's why we started the misfits movement as well, because we realize that this is something that's really, really needed, right? It's, it's, this message is needed, that that the you don't need labels and you don't need boxes, you just, all you need is to remember that it's all about love, that's, that's it, that's the only thing you need to remember,

Vicente Asaro: 00:12:34

I do want to express right now, um, from what I was seeing, from different walks of life, when I when I would meet, say somebody who was born in the foot a fluent family, they would have a, you know, structured home and regimen on how to behave and how to act and do things not the same. From from people I met in the city. There are people who actually wish they could say the same, not because of the not necessarily like other fluence of the wealth, but have to have some form of community community direction. And they, some people would actually feel comfortable by having as a form of, of a like a, like a structure of IDEA and how to identify with how to measure themselves with and so. So when people like I get along with people who want to use the wordings to help structure, how their body is sexually programmed. And it helps them to identify at least to communicate to somebody else that it is something that is different. And that is something that they want to communicate it is something that they want to trade ideas with other people. So I got one,

Heather Hester: 00:14:10

it's kind of part of belonging, I think. Right? I think well, yeah, I think they're I think I think what I would so what I'm what I'm hearing, what I'm hearing you say is that there is kind of a middle ground there, where there's some. And perhaps it's just part of this journey, right as as we kind of move along this journey. Part of it is like, we kind of just need that just to like figure out, it's almost more so to figure out who we are. Yeah, right. Not necessarily that we want to be labeling everyone else around us, but we're kind of trying to just figure out and once we're really settled with who we are, yeah. Then it doesn't quite matter. As much as that, when I'm here

Vicente Asaro: 00:15:01

it is it is. It's It's like as if you want to get to the, to the other side of the valley, you want to experience a different part of the world, you, it would benefit the person to at least conform to a certain regimen or practice or discipline to help get them across like real world example, if a person wants to get across the valley, they have to build a bridge, they are going to have to dedicate themselves to a specific trade or practice to help get them across. Now that doesn't mean that's who they're going to be. It's just a tool to help them get across where they trying to go.

Heather Hester: 00:15:40

That's brilliant. I like that. It's a very good visual. Thank you. You're very good at that. Amazing.

Heather Hester: 00:15:55

Oh, my goodness. Okay, so I want to can we like talk a little bit about the misfit movement? Because you mentioned it, and I want to know more.

Julie Ann Salisbury: 00:16:06

Yeah, please. Well, we I mean, between us. You know, I think we started we started in the love vibration, right? So everybody that meets the Sunday says, Oh, my goodness, like he's just love, right? That's what he represents. He just, he's just love. And I think that's how we started this conversation that, you know, whoa, why is why? Why is what's wrong with that? Or, you know, why? Why is it that this is not what everybody is doing or living the life in this way, right. And when we started to identify who are the people that are living life this way, they all kind of fit into this word called a misfit. And it's an it's not that and, you know, we didn't want to be attracting people that just go, Well, I don't fit anywhere. So this must be where I fit, right? That's right, that isn't what what that's about. It's basically gathering people together, that have this same viewpoint, that they don't fit into boxes, or they don't fit into, you know, the normal if you like, what society how society wants to label you, or fit you into boxes. So um, so the misfit movement is all about really gathering people so that we can have like minded conversations and know that, you know, we're not crazy, or maybe we are crazy. But the end of the day, we're all just coming from a place of love. It's all about connecting people together, and collaborating together to actually help one another. So we're here in Puerto Vallarta, it definitely attracts a lot of what we would maybe call misfits. And so we're seeing a lot of people that are arriving in the city and they're, you know, they're scattered all over the place. They're looking for one bedroom studios, and now they're saying, well, where's my community? Like, where can I actually I'm in I'm settled in a new country. So where now can I actually meet people? So so we started that the misfits movement so we could actually meet people and say, Hey, we're gonna gap or we're gonna have misfit mingles, right, so like, anything? Yeah, there's no agenda. It's just like, connect and, and have juicy conversations, right? with like minded people. And then we realize, well, we can just do that worldwide by going online with it. So we have an online meeting, like every Tuesday, which is just an open Zoom Room, so people can just join us and just join the conversation. And then we will eventually be doing events to bring people around the world together. And here in viata, we are in the process of creating a retreat center. And that retreat center is a place where people can come and feel safe, and there's no judgement, it's a no judgment zone. You can just be you, you can explore everything, explore who you are as a person. And and that in itself is a place where, you know, we were attracting such a diverse group of people that are attracted to that idea, right. So, like, we're, you know, some people say that viata is is like the capital, if you like of a LG, LGBTQ, if you want to give it to a label that, you know, outside of that there are so many other people that come here for different reasons. And, you know, like, for example, just the other day my hairdresser introduced me to a lady. She recently had an discectomy and she made the choice that she why Do you have to have reconstructive surgery? Right? Like, why can't you just, you know, what is it about sexuality that a woman has to have breasts? And if she doesn't have breasts, then what? She's not feminine anymore. Right? And right and this, this woman is very beautiful. And you know, and she's chosen to be flat chested. And she's like, well, let's all embrace our beauty, our feminine beauty, whether you have breasts or don't have breasts, right? So we're saying, Wow, this is awesome. This is like we can, we can bring women like this to this century that we're creating. And we can show Look, let let's explore your feminine beauty and who you are as a soul as a person. And so the just as we're starting to create this, we're beginning to see all these people that we're attracting, that would identify as misfits, for whatever that reason is.

Heather Hester: 00:20:55

Oh, that is really, really neat. Oh, my goodness, I Okay, first of all, I have to we need to put the Zoom link in here for for people so they can an I mean, me, so I can have it. But I am, I am just thinking, you know, it is, you know, at least from my generation, you know, we I know that I grew up thinking, you know, being a girl means this, right? These all these things, right? A girl has breasts, a girl behaves this way, a girl, you know, you name you name it, right. But all of these things that make you a girl. And then the same for making you a boy. It's just how we were this was what was taught, right. And so I think this is such a important conversation that you're having, because I It gives people people permission to explore this, to think, oh, I, I can actually step back and, and think about myself as, like a human being, you know, my traits that make me inherently, you know, whatever, whatever those traits are, and not be defined by your whatever your physical appearances, your you know, sexual programming, I loved that wording that was really good wording, because that's what it is. And I just I want everybody who's listening to this, to really think about that, to really think about, we all we all have permission to do this, to really consider who we are in this world. And that's an it's at the the very last thing that it should be judged on as all of these boxes. Yeah. Yeah. And and then just thinking about, you know, I remember Julie saying Vicente is just love is love vibration. And the thing that's, you know, coming back to me, to me, you know, again and again is, you know, love is the one singular most important thing that every human needs to survive. Yeah, right. Like, really survive. Yeah, I mean, you need food and water. But to thrive, let's use thrive. Maybe that's a better word. Yes.

Vicente Asaro: 00:23:40

Okay. I do want to express there was a time where it was my perceived relationship with my father. And how, how, when I was really young, and his involvement, oh, I'm gonna be honest, it was a lack thereof of his involvement a family and my, my expression to him is, it was a very angrily like, hateful, it was like a very hateful resentment towards my father and i i for quite a few years, I I continue to just want to forget that he existed. And the entire time of doing that. I I cannot shake the the almost like part of me that recognizes regardless of how is turning out now, I wouldn't have been here if it wasn't for him. And no matter how much I tried to forget him, I couldn't not get rid of the love that got me here in the first place. It just I could, I could fool myself, but it was it was a it was a thing of Yeah, it was a journey of y kind of thing. It was. It was. Yeah.

Heather Hester: 00:25:27

Quite. I will that is quite a journey. And it's quite. I know, I'm enlightened way of thinking, to really be able to come to that conclusion. Right. And I'm glad you share that. Because I think it's important. You know, you went through a lot of different stages there. I think anger is a very important emotion that people are afraid of or think is bad if they experience it. Yeah. But anger can be very productive. And that it's it can it is telling us something. Yeah. Right, like something that we are needing to learn or understand or just feel right. And then moving through that. And I saw, I'm glad you walked us through that, because I think that that is really important. Whatever, you know, whatever it is, for everyone listening, everyone has something right? Yeah, that it's it is okay to sit with those feelings. And to really think about them and question them and think, Okay, what am I supposed to be doing with this? Yeah, right. And staying uncomfortable? Because uncomfortable is hard. Yeah. Right. But you, you did that, and what a really extraordinary conclusion you came to.

Vicente Asaro: 00:26:48

Yeah, because it was it was a to, to, to express to my like, for me what I knew what I was expressing, I was stressing that I really, really just hate what is going on with my life with my father, I just hate it. I can say I hate him or hate the moment, whatever I want to express it to the the bottom line was, I was going through some really some deep hate right there. And expressing that though, was I was able to see that. How I constructed that idea from then on was how I was going to construct, say, the bridge to another valley. I was going to recognize later on that. If I build this bridge in this direction of life, I I am also building a bridge for other people to connect with me and that way.

Heather Hester: 00:27:53

Yes, yes, you are.

Vicente Asaro: 00:27:55

And that that was a big thing is as much as I wanted to build a bridge, because the reality was, I wanted to build a bridge. So I because I wanted my dad to come on that bridge, I wanted my dad to meet me on that bridge. But this is the thing is he is his own person. And what he did was he didn't want to meet me on the bridge of hate. He wanted me somewhere else. So I can I can build a bridge out to the world, but I can't force people to take it.

Heather Hester: 00:28:30

No, no, you can't. You can't. Again, another fantastic analogy that I've just sitting here picturing really, really helpful, helpful and very healing. Because it can be thought of in so many different ways. I'm just kind of imagining people as they're listening to this thinking, Oh, I can apply this here in my life or here, you know, in so many different facets, right. Yeah. So I really appreciate you sharing so much. And I want to be mindful of our time so yeah,

Vicente Asaro: 00:29:17

yeah, sorry. Thank you for letting me really

Heather Hester: 00:29:22

we could we could continue this for like another hour. I I know both Julia and I have have to keep moving. And we can always continue this conversation another time. So I'm wondering if there's anything else that you would like to share before we wrap everything up for today?

Julie Ann Salisbury: 00:29:44

I think I just love to encourage people to come join the misfits movement and and just have a safe, non judgmental place where you can join conversation. So Every Tuesday at noon PST, we have the open Zoom Room, you can just pop in and join the conversation. Or if you don't want to join the conversation, you can just observe and listen to the conversation and join on chat if you want. And, and if you're in viata, come see us on Thursday nights and meet us in person. So

Vicente Asaro: 00:30:22

yeah, I quit last night for me, I want to say I am I am training on my journey to to help people not to facilitate expressions that that people go through. Like I say, the bridge analogy, a woman last times last time I'm gonna use it. When people built bridges in her life to get to somewhere to express themselves to trade their their energy to somebody else as a way to expression. Meaning many times people at a certain point in life built a bridge that may have led into a certain part of human expression that may not be advantageous to themselves. And sometimes, most things what people try to do is, is it's not it's actually I think it's it's one of the coping mechanism is to just stop is to ignore that British that it's there. It's like, it's a way how they express but they just try not to put any thought into it to make it less pronounced if they could. What I'm doing with Julie is why it's a no judgment free zone is that I am willing to I'm training myself to meet people on bridges that affect their lives, to examine why their bridge is there and possibly change the direction of that bridge to something else. Not from my choice, but from how they want to go about it and say, Okay, I can see how this expression helped me at a certain time, but it's not helping me now. I would love to change the direction of this bridge.

Heather Hester: 00:31:58

Right? How do I do that? Yes. Right. Yes, yes. Oh, that is fantastic. Thank you for sharing that. That was thank you for a really valuable, great way to end this. Oh, my goodness. Well, thank you. Thank you both so much for being with me. And that was just so enlightening and wonderful.

Vicente Asaro: 00:32:22

Thank you, too. Thank you very much other.

Heather Hester: 00:32:25

Thanks so much for joining me today. My goal is to make this journey a little easier for you. So reach out with questions or topics you'd like to hear me talk about. Check out the show notes for my email and website information. And if you love today's episode, I'd be so appreciative of a review. Until next time.