The Art of Communicating Love: What is Your Love Language?

Heather Hester: 00:00:11

Welcome to Just Breathe: Parenting your LGBTQ Teen, the podcast transforming the conversation around loving and raising an LGBTQ child. My name is Heather Hester and I am so grateful you are here. I want you to take a deep breath and know that for the time we are together, you are in the safety of the just breathe nets. Whether today's show is an amazing guest or me sharing stories, resources, strategies or lessons I've learned along our journey. I want you to feel like we're just hanging out at a coffee shop having cosy chat. Most of all, I want you to remember that wherever you are on this journey right now, in this moment in time, you are not alone

Heather Hester: 00:01:13

Welcome back, my friends and welcome if this is your first time listening to Just Breathe: Parenting your LGBTQ teen. I am so so happy that you are here. A quick reminder to make sure you are following just breathe and all of your other favorite podcasts on Apple podcast. Apple's latest few rounds of updates caused mass unfollowing a podcast so make sure you double check. You don't want to miss out on any new episodes. Check my recent Facebook posts for a detailed infographic if you need instructions. As you may remember, I am leveling up the tradition of sharing beautiful reviews with you all. If the review I read is yours DM me on Instagram at Chris Willis mama and I will answer your most burning question super detailed and on video posted to Instagram and YouTube. If you want questions answered, make sure you leave a review if you haven't already. So today's review is from 10 hands one home, and they say powerful dialogue to explore complex relationships. While this podcast focuses on parenting, there is a tremendous amount of insight on broad social and community perspectives. Guests are given power to their experiences and perspectives and invited to educate empathize with and engage the listener. Excellent podcast. Thank you. Thank you so much. 10 hands went home and I really hope to hear from you on Instagram. Remember it is at chrysalis mama.

Heather Hester: 00:03:03

So with tomorrow being Valentine's Day, I thought this episode would be perfect for a little chat about love. Now, of course, to have a really robust really in depth conversation we would need hours if not days, perhaps even a few chapters and the soon to be published book called parenting with pride. However, for today, what I thought would be helpful would be connection points, ideas for connecting with your child, or your team or your partner, or your friend. Every single one of us expresses and receives love differently. We feel it differently in our bodies to for example, for me, sometimes it feels like a warm way of enveloping me. Other times I feel my heart and my chest contract with delight and still others it feels grounding and connecting. So think about how and where in your body you feel love. A number of years ago Gary Chapman wrote a series of books on the five love languages. In these books, he gives dozens of examples of how we express or communicate our love to others as well as the ways we prefer receiving it. I want to take some time today to share that. And as I share each of these five ways which have all been well researched and documented by dozens of other professionals as well. I want you to first think about yourself how you show and prefer to receive love. And then I want you to think about all of your people, your partner, your kids, your friends, your parents and siblings and so on and so forth, how they prefer to show and receive love.

Heather Hester: 00:05:20

The first love language is words of affirmation. I think, words of praise, such as I noticed how hard you studied for that math test. And I'm really proud of your effort, or words of affection, which can be as simple as I love you. And I'm so grateful for you. If this is your love language, hearing these examples probably makes you feel warm and fuzzy, or calm and connected. Notice how your loved ones react to words of praise, or words of affection. Does it seem like they would like for you to go on and on? Or do they seem kind of ambivalent? Watch their facial reactions, and their body language? Notice their energy. Don't overthink it, you will just know.

Heather Hester: 00:06:21

The second love language is physical touch. This is pretty self explanatory is super simple to discern if it is your way to express and receive love. And it's really easy to know if, if it is the love language of your loved ones. For example, it is my natural way of expressing myself. I'm a hugger. And touch is my go to nonverbal communication. Now, not everyone likes hugs, or even people getting into their personal space. So whereas 10 years ago, I may have hugged or patted someone on the back without thinking, I am now much more aware of reading other people's energy. And knowing if any kind of personal contact is welcome. I'm sure having teenagers has helped me refine that a little bit. And I've always been aware that the kids and I are a few of the only people Steve will hug and watching how he handles that with others has been super helpful as well. It is pretty cut and dried to no physical touches your preferred way to give and receive love, as well as that of any of your loved ones. And while we could completely delve into the nuances of this one for now, I will just say this, please, please respect others boundaries around their personal space and teach your children that it is not only okay, but it is vital it's vital self care to create boundaries around their personal space.

Heather Hester: 00:08:09

The third love language is quality time. Again, this one is pretty self explanatory. Do you show others how much you love and care about them by spending time with them? Is that what communicates to you that someone really loves and cares about you? Would your teenager prefer chatting in the car while running errands with you or sincere words of affection or praise? Would you rather your partner spend 30 minutes after dinner chatting with you? Or would you feel more loved and seen if they wrapped their arms around you after a long day? Think of your own example if those don't resonate with you and consider of quality time is how you like to give or receive love.

Heather Hester: 00:09:03

The fourth love language is acts of service. I think this might be at least the secondary if not primary love language for most moms. I mean, think about the utter joy it brings you when one of your kids or your partner does the dishes or unloads the dishwasher or folds a load of clothes, and bonus points for not being asked and think about how much you love making a meal or a treat that you know your team loves, especially when they're having a tough day because you know, that is how they like to receive love. We all love to help someone we care for and on the flip love to be helped. Or so someone who connects with this as the way they love to give or receive love. Multiply that feeling by 1000

Heather Hester: 00:10:00

Finally, the fifth love language is gifts. Everyone loves a gift. This is how my husband Steve shows love. It brings him so much joy to find even the smallest item to show his love and affection for me or for the kids. If this is a loved ones receiving language, you will know by their response and the way in which they speak about other gifts they have received from you. Gifts are a genuine expression of love to them. There's only one rule with gifts, they cannot replace love, and other words, they cannot be given to make up for lack of time spent or awareness. No gift will ever replace the value of being seen.

Heather Hester: 00:10:55

I hope this has piqued your curiosity to better understand yourself, and how you prefer to give and receive love. As well as better understand your partner, your kids, your friends and loved ones preferred ways to receive love. Bonus points for figuring out their preferred way to give love as well. There are lots of quizzes available too. If you need a little help. Google is your friend for this one. Before we wrap up today, I want to remind you all about my book launch team. If you love what I do and would like to help me get this book into as many hands as possible, and in return receive some pretty cool perks and swag. Click on the link in the show notes or email me at h h at chrysalis mama to let me know you are interested. As a member of the book launch team, you'll become part of my mission of transforming the conversation around loving, raising and empowering LGBTQ people with unique solutions for parents and families, organizations and global outreach. I cannot wait. Many More details will be available through the book launch team communications. So if you are interested, click on the link or email me. Remember it is h h at chrysalis mama.com. Until next time, big big hugs and lots of love.

Heather Hester: 00:12:28

Thanks so much for joining me today. If you enjoyed today's episode, I would be so grateful for a rating or review. Click on the link in the show notes or go to my website, chrysalismama.com To stay up to date on my latest resources as well as to learn how you can work with me. Please share this podcast with anyone who needs to know that they are not alone. And remember to just grieve until next time