Episode 53
Podapalooza
During a recent event, Podapalooza, I was fortunate to connect with two people that right away I knew I had to get them on the show.
The first guest is Amy Zwaigenbaum, and she is a transformational stress coach. And we all know we can do with less stress in our lives. She discusses some of the stresses we as parents, especially moms are facing and a few coping strategies we can all use.
My second guest is Joanne light and she really talks a lot about emotional intelligence and the importance of developing that as a skill. We are raising the future and Joanne works with parents to help their children develop resilience and empathy to become the leaders of tomorrow.
About our Guests:
Amy Zwaigenbaum
Niche: Professional Supermoms over 30 suffering from stress-related illnesses
I am a Reiki Master, Teacher, and Transformational Stress Coach who realized that society has taught women for longer than anyone can remember that they need to be a Supermom taking care of their homes, husbands, and children in addition to being professional career women to help support their families. This creates an impossible workload to accomplish that results in stress-related illnesses and a reduced enjoyment of life. I help people break free from stress, anxiety, overwhelm, and burnout. This is accomplished through individual and group coaching sessions, meditation classes, Cleaver Fever Cure classes, and workshops.
Stress Relief tool: https://helpmestresscoach.com
Joanne Light
Niche: Parents of Tweens and Teens
Joanne Light is a Parent Empowerment Coach, mother and grandmother, and retired College administrator and counselor. She earned her doctorate in education and counseling from Boston University and chose to further her expertise through a life coaching certification and a certification in training in Emotional Intelligence. Her coaching practice currently focuses on the challenges and strategies parents need to navigate their parenting journey. Through research and personal experience, Joanne continues to pursue her passion for heart-centered coaching and for contributing to raise the next generation. Her appearances on radio shows, podcasts, and summits have enabled her to share with a diverse audience.
Thanks for Listening!!
Click HERE for Heather's Coming Out Process Cheat Sheet!
Are you looking for a new way to discover podcasts, music, meditations, and more...all on one platform? Check out Vurbl for a unique listening experience, one that you can curate and really make your own! Heather has just been named the ambassador for the LGBTQ category and is so excited to share snippets and playlists of her favorite content.
Do you LOVE Just Breathe? Receive new episodes as soon as they launch, as well as Heather's monthly newsletter Small Exhales and other fabulous resources by:
- Signing up for her email list HERE
- Review Just Breathe HERE
- Do you want to help spread awareness and let others know they are not alone? Order Heather's new t-shirt(or sweatshirt or mug!) HERE!
- Connecting through Instagram and Facebook (@chrysalismama) and Twitter (@chrysalismama1)
- Bookmarking her website as your go-to for LGBTQ education!
Remember that you are not alone on this journey!
Support the show (https://www.buymeacoffee.com/HeatherHester)
Transcript
Welcome to Just breathe parenting your LGBTQ team, the
Unknown:podcast, transforming the conversation around loving and
Unknown:raising an LGBTQ child filled with awesome guests practical
Unknown:strategies and moving stories host Heather Hester always makes
Unknown:you feel like you're having a cozy chat. Wherever you are on
Unknown:this journey right now, in this moment in time, you are not
Unknown:alone. And here is Heather for this week's amazing episode
Unknown:Welcome to Just breathe, I am so glad you are here today. So
Unknown:during my little break in December, that I took to just
Unknown:enjoy being home with my kids and having Connor and Isabel
Unknown:home from college and just doing a lot of our fun, traditional
Unknown:things that we do and really just taking time to breathe. I
Unknown:attended an event on December 18. That was an online event
Unknown:called PATA palooza. And a friend of mine was one of the
Unknown:people running it Michelle Abraham. And I thought, well,
Unknown:this will be a good opportunity. This sounds like a fun, just a
Unknown:fun opportunity, really. So why not? Why not do this. So I
Unknown:really, you know, kind of going into it had no idea what I'd
Unknown:signed myself out for. But oh, my goodness, did it turn out to
Unknown:be a really, really cool event. So during the course of the day,
Unknown:I had the opportunity to interview two different people
Unknown:for the podcast from my podcast. So the interviews that I got to
Unknown:do, we're a little different than my typical style, they were
Unknown:a little more rapid fire and kind of a quick get to know you
Unknown:and tell me about what you do type of thing. But I really
Unknown:found both of the people that I got to interview so engaging and
Unknown:interesting, and I really wanted to share them with you. So the
Unknown:first one that you're going to hear from is Amy's Wagan balm,
Unknown:and she is a transformational stress coach. And one of the
Unknown:really interesting things about her is she has a stress relief
Unknown:blog that I will let you listen to her talk about and tell you
Unknown:more about but it's really, really cool. And then the other
Unknown:person I got to talk to is Joanne light. And she really
Unknown:talks a lot about emotional intelligence and the importance
Unknown:of developing that as a skill. So I am really happy that I get
Unknown:to share these two wonderful humans with you. And I hope you
Unknown:enjoy. So Amy, I'm so excited that we get to chat for a little
Unknown:bit here today during this awesome Potter Palooza event.
Unknown:And
Unknown:thank you for having me on your podcast. I really appreciate it.
Unknown:Of
Unknown:course, of course, I think that what you do and what you offer
Unknown:is so interesting. And you know, my listeners are just going to
Unknown:find you fascinating. And I think we'll be we'll be clicking
Unknown:on a couple of different things here. So I first want to because
Unknown:we were just talking about it, and I need to I need to hear
Unknown:more about this blog that you just started. Can you tell us
Unknown:about it?
Unknown:Yes. Basically, my blog is a free stress release tool. It has
Unknown:the same accomplishment as going out and causing harm without
Unknown:any, any harm. So it's it's a writing writing tool, and it's
Unknown:called How to literally get away with murder. And I teach my
Unknown:audience, how they would plan outs to kill the person who's
Unknown:stressed them out. Now you're just writing a story. So
Unknown:nobody's getting hurt, you don't you're not going to jail for it.
Unknown:And well, the next time the boss tells you, it makes you feel
Unknown:awful. You can think about your lovely story and feel much
Unknown:better.
Unknown:Right? I mean, that is so creative. And writing is such a
Unknown:stress reliever. So why not? You know, a lot of times I talk
Unknown:about journaling all the time, but really, this is taking it to
Unknown:the next level, right?
Unknown:Well, because I've done as a teacher, I did a criminal
Unknown:profiling course and I did design multiple murder mystery
Unknown:type that's, I really do know about what makes these people
Unknown:tick and how they decide they're victims, how they decide where
Unknown:they're going to kill and everything else. So I'm walking
Unknown:people through how you would literally design a murder
Unknown:against someone you don't like. Wow.
Unknown:without causing harm. Without there's no
Unknown:harm involved. In fact, if your story is really good, you could
Unknown:always change the names and publish it.
Unknown:Right? Exactly. It could be a series of short stories. Just
Unknown:keep them a compilation, right, which started out as a stress
Unknown:reliever. I just said is so cool.
Unknown:Yeah, it's just to get that anger and that stress out. So
Unknown:you feel better. The randomness is to release that stress and to
Unknown:lower your stress level because I'm a stress transformational
Unknown:stress coach
Unknown:exam. Well, that moves right beautifully into that. So which
Unknown:came first the blog or being the coach? What is your, your time?
Unknown:The coaching is actually came? I don't know. I mean, the blog
Unknown:grew out of other things that were there before the coaching,
Unknown:okay, but the coaching came in first. Okay. So learns basically
Unknown:everything I could possibly know about coaching. Still being one
Unknown:of those people who has to learn everything before? Wow,
Unknown:I think that's a good thing, right? Being a lifelong learner,
Unknown:we just continually get better or wiser. And you know, what we
Unknown:do? I think that's so smart. Well,
Unknown:it's, it keeps things interesting. You can never learn
Unknown:too much. I used to be? Well, I used to have a company as a
Unknown:Reiki Master and running the bars. And one of the things they
Unknown:taught us with running the boat bars is to always be in the
Unknown:question always be learning. Right? So this is one of the
Unknown:things I bring, also to my stress coaching. I'm also going
Unknown:to be having met at weekly meditation classes for my, my
Unknown:clients starting in January one. So all of this is part of the
Unknown:package for either one on one coaching or group coaching.
Unknown:Okay,
Unknown:that's great. So can we talk a little bit about who you offer,
Unknown:you know who your ideal client is for coaching? Who you like to
Unknown:work with, or who you typically work with?
Unknown:Well, I I'm looking to work with stressed out professional super
Unknown:moms who have these horrible stress related illnesses,
Unknown:because basically, they're trying to do the workload that
Unknown:even the great god Zeus couldn't figure out himself. Mm hmm.
Unknown:And that's become quite an issue, hasn't it?
Unknown:Well, the stress, I mean, people, stress is one of the
Unknown:biggest killers around and has been for a long time. And people
Unknown:don't realize how serious it really is.
Unknown:Right? Right. Well, because stress is not tangible. Right.
Unknown:So you don't realize all the havoc it reeks. I mean, it is
Unknown:that's a rather, but I think it as a general statement, right?
Unknown:It is, you can't, whereas like you can see sugar, right? You
Unknown:can see fat, you can see that you're not exercising, but you
Unknown:can't necessarily see stress. Let's talk about that just a
Unknown:little bit. Because I like that. You're not just a stress coach.
Unknown:You're a transformational stress coach, for professional
Unknown:supermoms that is highly specific. So well, I
Unknown:want to tell them how to enjoy their life. Okay. Basically,
Unknown:it's been believed for a long time that the only ones who can
Unknown:enjoy the the awesome career and having the family or the man,
Unknown:but nobody ever thinks about why. And the reason behind this
Unknown:is that the men are doing a lot less work. Yeah. Okay, they work
Unknown:their day at work, they come home, they park out in front of
Unknown:the TV, watch the news. Well, the wife makes dinner takes care
Unknown:of the kids. Make sure everybody does their homework. I mean,
Unknown:she's doing double duty here. That's why she's not having any
Unknown:fun,
Unknown:right? Or why she's exhausted all the time, right or bizarre.
Unknown:And now, all these stress related diseases are creeping
Unknown:in.
Unknown:Well, exactly and stress at the end of the day can
Unknown:kill you. Oh, yeah, absolutely. It can. It is It's funny when
Unknown:you say that I have to just really I was just having this
Unknown:conversation the other day with my my father is 87. And, and he
Unknown:will always say to me, Well, you should you should read, you
Unknown:know, XYZ and why don't you do this? And, and I laughed because
Unknown:you know, he was he was a dentist for 50 some odd years,
Unknown:right? And I was like, Dad, you got to go to work, do the one
Unknown:thing that you love doing. You had all these people around you
Unknown:making it work for you, right? Your assistants, your office
Unknown:manager, you came home, mom took care of all of us, right? You
Unknown:got to walk in the house and sit down and be fed, and then go
Unknown:read. And then get up the next day and do all of that again. I
Unknown:like that. Just literally no, I'm like the the number of
Unknown:things that mom always did that you had no idea the number of
Unknown:things that we do in this generation of women. Right? At
Unknown:times 100. A right. And I said it is it is beyond comprehension
Unknown:for you. So the fact that I don't sit down at three o'clock
Unknown:in the afternoon and read a newspaper. I know it's really
Unknown:hard for you to understand. It's not possible.
Unknown:Where do you find the time? Exactly. However, it's a lot of
Unknown:fun to grab the kids and go out for a snowball fights.
Unknown:Wow. Yes. Right. Or I mean, and I think these are the things
Unknown:that you're talking about right in what you're doing that you
Unknown:are teaching moms that it's okay to do.
Unknown:Well, it's it's about forgiving yourself, because you didn't ask
Unknown:for this job. You were just kind of dropped into it. And because
Unknown:this is something that you hadn't planned on that you just
Unknown:were nurtured, basically from birth to do us. I mean, nobody
Unknown:even remembers where this idea came from. It's been passed down
Unknown:for so many generations. Yeah.
Unknown:Yeah. And I think it's, it is definitely beginning to shift a
Unknown:little, right. It's a little, but
Unknown:it's got a long way to go. It has a very long
Unknown:way to go. And it takes conscious action on our part.
Unknown:Would you agree?
Unknown:Definitely. I would.
Unknown:So how do we act in? What do you tell you?
Unknown:The first step? The first step is take a step back and look at
Unknown:what is causing this. Alright, why are you feeling like this?
Unknown:What what are you doing? You know what? Hobby, sorry, dude.
Unknown:But you're going to have to start helping here. And the kids
Unknown:while you just got drafted. So, you know, if we were on a farm,
Unknown:every one of those children would not be playing video
Unknown:games, they would be doing chores. Well guess what? This is
Unknown:the new farm children. Right? You're going to put away the
Unknown:video games, you're going to help around the house so that
Unknown:mom can actually have be the kind of mother you want. Instead
Unknown:of feeling like she's grinding your teeth and clenched all the
Unknown:time and feeling awful. And it benefits everyone for mom to
Unknown:feel better.
Unknown:It does. It does. So what is a first step that a mom could
Unknown:take? And I'm talking from like being like in the trenches where
Unknown:it is really like she is at her wit's end. And she's just, what
Unknown:is that first step she can take?
Unknown:Well, I guess the best the first step she would take is to stop
Unknown:expecting herself to do it all. Stop thinking that you can
Unknown:handle this mountain of work. You are a human being, you are
Unknown:not a goddess. As much as you may look like one you are not a
Unknown:goddess. And you have to forgive yourself for not being able to
Unknown:conquer this instrumental load of work. Li and check it out and
Unknown:check out the blog have some fun with that. Well, I
Unknown:was just gonna say I think that's a perfect a perfect lead
Unknown:in right to the not only the blog, but really I want
Unknown:everybody to look into what you do. And take a look at this
Unknown:blog. It's I'm looking at this blog as soon as we finish here
Unknown:so I can so I can learn How to Get Away with Murder and a
Unknown:literary sense
Unknown:and repeating to people this is a literary tool
Unknown:literary literary art. Yes, I think we probably need to repeat
Unknown:Like 12 more times, right?
Unknown:Please go out and actually kill someone. That's not what I'm
Unknown:encouraging.
Unknown:Exactly. Not literally, literarily, it's just a couple
Unknown:letters that are moved around very important. But just also go
Unknown:out just how what is the So go into your blog. So the blog is
Unknown:called How to literarily get away with murder? Yes, yes.
Unknown:Okay. And then what is your website? What is the best way
Unknown:for people to contact you?
Unknown:Well, personally, I think laughter is a really good cure
Unknown:for stress. So I've tried to use it in a lot of things I do. My
Unknown:website is helped me stress coach calm.
Unknown:It's awesome. Okay, help me stress coach calm, okay, I will
Unknown:have this all in the show notes, everyone. So don't panic, if
Unknown:you're not getting this right now. It will be there because
Unknown:I'm writing it down right now. Okay, that is very fun. And
Unknown:I just love to have fun.
Unknown:You do have to have fun. You really do. And you have to learn
Unknown:to laugh and learn to allow yourself to be human.
Unknown:Right. Exactly. And, and one of my yourself sort of breaks
Unknown:right? Well, when you're sick is because you're not taking me
Unknown:correct. Absolutely correct. And to learn to embrace the
Unknown:messiness of all of this, because it's, it's going to be
Unknown:messy, whether you embrace it or not. So just embrace it and have
Unknown:fun with it.
Unknown:Exactly. Enjoy, try to enjoy your life, make things more fun.
Unknown:One of the things I suggest with my clients is, as part of
Unknown:drafting the kids so to speak, is make the weekends about
Unknown:cooking your meals for the week. So everybody gets together and
Unknown:cooks everything. You dump it in the freezer or the fridge. And
Unknown:then little Johnny and little Sam can can make dinner before
Unknown:everybody gets home, because they just stick it in the
Unknown:microwave.
Unknown:I love that. I love that. And then it's a group effort to
Unknown:which I think, you know, has value in so many ways, right?
Unknown:Well, it becomes a family activity and it becomes a hobby
Unknown:instead of a chore.
Unknown:Right? Right. Yes, I
Unknown:know. Personally, I love my crock pot. Throw everything in
Unknown:and see what you find at the end.
Unknown:Right. The crock pot. Okay, and my new favorite. The airfryer
Unknown:that thing is magical. I'm just gonna, I'm just putting it out
Unknown:there. It is fun. Like, you're nuts. No, it's not. No, I have
Unknown:just been amazed. I actually put salmon in there. And I cook
Unknown:salmon in the airfryer. Yes. I'm telling you. It's magical. It's
Unknown:not just for like, because my kids of course my you know,
Unknown:teenagers use it for you know, pizza rolls and, you know,
Unknown:fries, right fries now that I'm like, what kind of like actual
Unknown:good food can I put in here and have it come out? Good, right.
Unknown:And
Unknown:not to mention, you can play with all the little spices,
Unknown:right? Try this this time. Try this that time.
Unknown:Exactly. Exactly. So I'm with you a big fan my crock pot, my
Unknown:airfryer it's all good. So,
Unknown:and you can cook multiple meals in one shot, which is what makes
Unknown:it even better.
Unknown:Absolutely. Absolutely. And, and there. I think there's a piece
Unknown:of that too. Or the kids are like, Oh, this is kind of fun. I
Unknown:want to I want to help with this. How are you doing this?
Unknown:The sound? You know? Right. So
Unknown:I mean, it's not like baking, okay, when you're cooking, you
Unknown:can play with spices. You can play with a lot of the things
Unknown:when you bake. There's only so much you can do. Right. I
Unknown:learned this the hard way as a child, actually, because I mixed
Unknown:up the salt the sugar when I was making a cake. Oh,
Unknown:oh, I'm sorry. Huh?
Unknown:What was not edible? No,
Unknown:I would not think so. It was probably really pretty, but yet
Unknown:not edible. Oh, yeah. Well, you know, this is how we learn.
Unknown:Right? I'm sure you never did that again.
Unknown:Oh, yeah. It's it's all about discovering new things. It's all
Unknown:about living the adventure.
Unknown:Is it totally is as that's so funny. Oh my gosh. Well, Amy,
Unknown:thank you. Thank you. Thank you so much for thank you
Unknown:so much for having me. I really appreciate the talk with you.
Unknown:I know me too. Absolutely. And I'm going to jump off of here
Unknown:and and go check out Have your your blog out and your website
Unknown:out. I'm so excited. And I know my listeners will too, because
Unknown:this is just awesome. So
Unknown:I know they'll get a good laugh from the blog. It's it's really
Unknown:funny, it goes into real details on how to design you're getting
Unknown:rid of the first new stresses you out. So as long as you don't
Unknown:follow through with it, it's all good.
Unknown:That's right, exactly. And I think that's the disclaimer here
Unknown:is do not follow through with this physically, this is
Unknown:literally to write away your stress. Alright, Amy will enjoy
Unknown:the rest of today. And this awesome event. And I'm sure I
Unknown:hope we will connect sometime down the road.
Unknown:Oh, I would absolutely love that. Okay, wonderful. Thank you
Unknown:very much.
Unknown:You are welcome. Bye. Bye. So Joanne, I am very excited to
Unknown:meet you and to learn about you and learn about what you do. I
Unknown:was so interested reading your, your short bio, with lots of
Unknown:experience with parents and with kids and with coaching. And so I
Unknown:am hoping that you might just share with us what you do and
Unknown:what kind of brought you into what you're doing now.
Unknown:Okay, sure that that's a fair question. I right now, my focus
Unknown:is to coach parents, particularly if tweens and
Unknown:teens, and I love working with parents of kids that age,
Unknown:because everyone sort of has this bad rap view of teenagers,
Unknown:you know, there's sort of a societal wholesale view,
Unknown:although I think it's changing a little that teenagers are
Unknown:impulsive and rash and nasty and disrespectful. And, sure there
Unknown:is that side to all of them at some times. But I think that
Unknown:they are the most interesting human beings, they and their
Unknown:brains are constantly on fire and changing. So and I came to
Unknown:do parents because well, I spent 30 some odd years in higher
Unknown:education. I was an educator, and administrator, a counselor.
Unknown:And when I retired, I decided coaching was a good thing for
Unknown:me. Because I like working with people and doing sort of
Unknown:passionate kind of work. And right now, I'm working with
Unknown:parents, because I think we need to really give all we all need
Unknown:the skills of emotional intelligence, how to be a good
Unknown:listener, why those things are important to be good parent to
Unknown:being available parent and not. It's not all it's not about you,
Unknown:and to really share that with parents so that they can raise
Unknown:resilient kids. And it's hard. It's really hard work. And I I
Unknown:feel that we as parents, and I'm my kids are adult children,
Unknown:adults now. We as parents need to raise the next generation and
Unknown:the kids who are teens today and preteens, man, we're gonna need
Unknown:them to be great leaders and great citizens because things
Unknown:are a little dark. Things are not looking so good right now.
Unknown:So I, I became passionate about the coaching and, and chose this
Unknown:niche because I really, I feel like I understand teenagers. And
Unknown:therefore I understand their parents and I, I raised three
Unknown:teenagers, none of whom escaped. Having lots of issues, my oldest
Unknown:daughter has mental health issues and when your child is
Unknown:different, it's just a it's a bigger challenge. So parents of
Unknown:LGBTQ kids have a, almost a higher barrier a higher a higher
Unknown:wall to, to climb over and, and jump down and be present there.
Unknown:Absolutely.
Unknown:And I There are several pieces there that I just found so
Unknown:interesting. But that is that is so correct. And I think that you
Unknown:know, as parents, we kind of have to it's part of it is that
Unknown:seeing our kids and seeing, okay, what what do they need
Unknown:from us? Right? So I really loved that you said it's not
Unknown:about you, because I think that's such an easy thing,
Unknown:especially when our kids are teenagers, right to feel like,
Unknown:why are they being so mean to me, or why are they doing that?
Unknown:It's totally not about us. Right. And so that's right. And
Unknown:I think I'm so glad you said that. I think that's something
Unknown:we just have to like continue hearing from others who have,
Unknown:you know, who are teaching that and who have been through it.
Unknown:And then it's something we just have to practice like that. Oh,
Unknown:yeah. This isn't about me. Right. Right. And that allows
Unknown:you, I think to, and I think this is my next question for
Unknown:you, is to really see your kid, right to see what it is they're,
Unknown:you know, trying to tell you or what it is they're going through
Unknown:or dealing with, or just being a kid, you know, just being a
Unknown:teenager or whatever your tween or early, you know, young adult.
Unknown:But I, one of the things that really captivated me about you
Unknown:is the, your work with emotional intelligence. And that is
Unknown:something that is, I think, new to many, many people. And so a
Unknown:lot of us are just in that very much, either. We've never heard
Unknown:of it before, or we're really wanting to learn about it. So
Unknown:what can you share about that?
Unknown:Oh, that's, that's a Pet Pet love of mine. I just want to
Unknown:start with what you started to say about seeing our kids for
Unknown:who they are, I think one of the hardest things for parents to do
Unknown:is to let your child become just become who he or she, he or she
Unknown:or they are. And that's very difficult. And I think if you
Unknown:understand emotional intelligence, which I just want
Unknown:to make clear, Heather, in my mind is a skill. You can learn
Unknown:it at any time. It's a skill, and I think it's seems, has
Unknown:always been seen as a soft skill. But that's, that's sort
Unknown:of changing. There are a lot of business leaders, including
Unknown:Amazon, who are hiring people to teach their employees, emotional
Unknown:intelligence, and hiring people, recruiters now look for those
Unknown:skills in people. And what emotional intelligence is all
Unknown:about is understanding emotions, being able to label them being
Unknown:to an understanding where you're coming from, and being able to
Unknown:understand other people's emotions, and regulating them.
Unknown:And as a parent, one of the hardest things to do is to
Unknown:regulate your own emotions. And unless you really understand
Unknown:where you're coming from, and where your emotions are coming
Unknown:from, it's really hard to regulate those of your preteen
Unknown:or teen. So emotional intelligence is really a group
Unknown:of skills, you have to recognize them, understand them have a
Unknown:vocabulary, it's not just about happy or sad, there are no bad
Unknown:emotions, there's a huge 1000s of words that describe a
Unknown:feeling. And once you label them, I think you can express
Unknown:them appropriately and know where and when to express them.
Unknown:And I think that really, then you can regulate them. I think
Unknown:it takes all of that work, to be able to, you know, not when your
Unknown:kid does something that is outrageous to explode and lose
Unknown:it totally. Now, we all as parents have totally lost it at
Unknown:times. No question about it or him? Yes, and it's okay and
Unknown:mistakes. You want your kids to make mistakes and learn from
Unknown:them, and you learn from yours. And you can repair all that. But
Unknown:if you really are emotionally intelligent, you really, I think
Unknown:can learn to be a empathic leader. Kids who know emotional
Unknown:intelligence, who have modeled it, because they're who have
Unknown:learned it, because their parents have modeled it, have
Unknown:their I think, are more academically successful in how
Unknown:many parents do you know, that just really looked at their kids
Unknown:in their achievements as a measure of success?
Unknown:Absolutely. Absolutely. I am. I think one of the really
Unknown:interesting things that, you know, has become so clear to me
Unknown:in the past 10 years, I guess, is that emotions, you know, I
Unknown:think when when I was growing up, it was very much you don't
Unknown:express right. And if you did express, it was a sign of
Unknown:weakness, right? Especially if it were, you know, tears or any
Unknown:form of, you know, sadness, or any really anything, right. And
Unknown:so now, I think, Oh, this is great, because we're really
Unknown:learning that emotions and understanding them. It's
Unknown:information. So that being angry isn't bad. It's information. So
Unknown:what is that anger? So like learning to ask those questions
Unknown:of, well, okay, you're angry. Why are you angry? What is that
Unknown:anger telling you what to you? And so, I think it's that, you
Unknown:know, it's understanding to talk about it and then to validate
Unknown:that experience and say, Hey, I see that you're angry. or, or
Unknown:having somebody reflect that to you, right? I can see that
Unknown:you're really sad about that. Or you're really, and like you
Unknown:said, like, there are hundreds of words to, you know, express
Unknown:to describe emotions, right? So
Unknown:there's your, you know, there's totally exasperated, violent,
Unknown:miserable, I mean, you can, you know, you can be this angry or
Unknown:this angry or, or higher level of angry and you can learn the
Unknown:words for all those different different shades of anger. And
Unknown:you're right, you've got to look underneath, where is it coming
Unknown:from?
Unknown:Exactly, exactly, and not being afraid to look underneath.
Unknown:Right? As a parent, as you said, to say to your child, I see that
Unknown:you're frustrated, I see that you're upset, do you want to
Unknown:talk about it, but interrogating them? It won't work? They need
Unknown:to come to you.
Unknown:Right. Right. And sometimes I think that they and I don't know
Unknown:what your thoughts are on this. But sometimes I feel like, you
Unknown:know, and we just say, Hey, I see that, right? I feel like
Unknown:you're there's no energy coming off of you rises, because I feel
Unknown:like there's you know, there's sad energy coming off of your,
Unknown:your, you seem a little agitated, or you know what, for
Unknown:them to be like, oh, like, okay, they may not even want to talk
Unknown:about it. They're just like, Okay, some somebody hears me or
Unknown:sees my ear. And then they can like, start going through their
Unknown:process, and then know that you are a safe place to come in if
Unknown:they need to continue processing, right? Or if they
Unknown:need, you know, one thing that I'm always throwing out in my
Unknown:house is, you know, if you need a professional to talk to, like
Unknown:somebody that was not your mom, or your dad or sibling or best
Unknown:friend. Professionals are available. Right. Right. And I
Unknown:think that's a piece of normalizing.
Unknown:You're realizing your emotions, right? Because there's the
Unknown:stigma attached to looking for professional help less now less.
Unknown:But I know when I was looking for professionals, for my, my
Unknown:daughter, it was, it was not only hard, but it felt, you
Unknown:know, I felt like I was being judged, because I was looking
Unknown:for help.
Unknown:Right. Right. I think you're right, that is definitely
Unknown:shifting, which is such a great thing. I love that. And, and,
Unknown:and you're definitely you know, in the line of coaching parents
Unknown:and working with parents and teenagers, I feel like that's
Unknown:very much about a parallel. And I just wonder if you could talk
Unknown:a little bit more, just to my audience about what you, you
Unknown:know, what you do and what you specifically offer? Because I
Unknown:think that's something that people are looking for more and
Unknown:more and interested in? How do we find this? And how do we, you
Unknown:know, what questions do we need to ask? So we know we can find,
Unknown:you know, a good match.
Unknown:Right? Well, you know, that that that's a broad? That's a hard
Unknown:question to answer. Because by again, no, no, no, no, no, it's
Unknown:fair. It's fair. I. I just tried to reach out to parents, and
Unknown:talk about the things that they need to talk about what I tried
Unknown:to get them to think about their vision, what do you need? Where
Unknown:do you want to go? How do you see your future within your
Unknown:family with your team? Because it's different in every family.
Unknown:I mean, I've recently been chatting with a mom, who I, I
Unknown:just, I'm like aghast at how amazing she is who has one child
Unknown:who at two and a half knew that she was a heat. So she's been
Unknown:dealing with a transgender child, and her oldest child, who
Unknown:is non, you know, non binary, and there's just so many
Unknown:different situations that come up. So I try very hard to, to
Unknown:meet parents where they are, what they need, how they've been
Unknown:parented, because that totally influences how you come across,
Unknown:or how you parent, even if you swear, you're never gonna sound
Unknown:like your mother someday. You may sound like your mother, you
Unknown:know, I think it it. It's there. There are generational patterns.
Unknown:And so I just try to offer a confidential space where mums
Unknown:and dads can talk about what they worry about, and what their
Unknown:fears are because I think parenting from a place of fear
Unknown:that One subject that I think is universal, and I try very hard
Unknown:to always bring that into our, my coaching sessions is, it's
Unknown:just from the minute that baby is born, I think the tentacles
Unknown:of fear just wrapped around your heart. And that is, that's it
Unknown:from that point forward. And if we can learn how to parent from
Unknown:a place of trust, Heather as opposed to a, from a place of
Unknown:fear, right, some will do better will feel better, because we all
Unknown:worry about so many things. And your anxiety is so high
Unknown:sometimes. And it's a scary world out there, there plenty
Unknown:things to be afraid of. You have to you can't protect your child
Unknown:from from everything. And I always think prompt I say
Unknown:problem free is not fully prepared. You know, they all
Unknown:need to face their challenges, and some more than others. So
Unknown:certainly a LGB t Q. Child, and their mom and dad have a heart
Unknown:or their mom and mom or whoever it is have a tough time. It's
Unknown:It's hard out there. But um, so I don't know if I've answered
Unknown:your question, but I think I just tried to acquire clients
Unknown:who want to trust and be open and have an opportunity to share
Unknown:what what bothers them, what is worrisome for them, and to take
Unknown:them to the next place to the next level? Where they'd like to
Unknown:grow?
Unknown:Right? Oh, that's great. It sounds to me that you're really
Unknown:you meet people where they are, you see them for who they are.
Unknown:And there's a lot of it's non judgmental, it's safe, and we
Unknown:try it right. And I think that is a eight, something that is
Unknown:very comforting. You know, many people are looking for that, and
Unknown:they're just not quite sure where to go, where to look for,
Unknown:you know, where to find this type of support. So I love that,
Unknown:you know, because for so long, and you know, really having a
Unknown:therapist was your one option, right? So I mean, finding a
Unknown:therapist, that was really a good match. It was hard, right?
Unknown:And also kind of jumping through that or getting over that hurdle
Unknown:of, I don't know what I think about this, right? I mean, now
Unknown:I'm the biggest advocate of therapy, I think it's, it's so
Unknown:very important. And it's it's kind of like, it's, it's just
Unknown:mental health, self care, as far as I'm concerned. So that's my,
Unknown:like, just in normalizing it and really encouraging people, but I
Unknown:love that. Coaches, like you, parent coaches, and, you know,
Unknown:coaching for all have kind of entered this space, because it's
Unknown:a lovely mix, right? And it just fits, I think, avoid that was
Unknown:there. So I appreciate what you do. And I appreciate, you know,
Unknown:kind of watching this, this grow, and having it having it be
Unknown:available for four people because I always say, you know,
Unknown:finding, finding a therapist is like speed dating, you know,
Unknown:it's really hard, right? So this is true, this is quite, quite
Unknown:lovely. So would I be able to how would people find you if
Unknown:they wanted to learn more about you?
Unknown:Well, I have a website. That's Joanne H light li GH t.com. And
Unknown:I love when people just email me and we just start a conversation
Unknown:that way. And my email is Joanne at Joanne H lytx.com.
Unknown:Okay, well, that's easy. Super. Yeah. Well, great. Well, that
Unknown:will be I will also have that in my notes for our show today. And
Unknown:if it's okay with you, I will put a link on my website so
Unknown:people can can find you that way as well. But I think that this
Unknown:is just a really, I appreciate you being with me today and
Unknown:really appreciate it. Thanks so much for joining me today. Just
Unknown:a quick reminder to make sure you bookmark my website as your
Unknown:go to source for resources, information, podcasts updates.
Unknown:If you are when you sign up for my email list, I have an amazing
Unknown:list of all of my favorite resources that you will get
Unknown:right away. So definitely worth it. I do not email crazy
Unknown:amounts. It's really only when I have awesome things to share
Unknown:with you. So take a minute jump on over there and do that. and I
Unknown:look forward to connecting with you. Until next time.
Unknown:Thanks so much for joining Heather today. Remember to just
Unknown:breathe. Take a few minutes every day to calm and center
Unknown:yourself. Reach out anytime with ideas, questions or feedback.
Unknown:Please rate and review just breathe on your favorite
Unknown:platform. Subscribe to Heather's website WWW dot chrysalis
Unknown:mama.com to receive her monthly newsletter and stay informed.
Unknown:Join the private just breathe Facebook community to chat with
Unknown:other parents and allies and share with anyone who needs to
